


Autumn, Falling Leaves and You

by kuma166



Series: Four Season of Love [4]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Drama, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2018-11-23 17:08:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11406822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuma166/pseuds/kuma166
Summary: Daesung has a lot of memories with his childhood friend, but it is an unrequited love. Slowly but sure, Daesung drowns in the piled up memories and he is too deep to be saved. Unless someone come, take his hand and clean him up from the piled up memories. Will that someone come for him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the last part of this series :)

“Hello.” I bowed to a woman and a boy. “My name is Kang Daesung. I am five years old. Nice to meet you.”

“Lovely name and lovely kid, right, Mrs. Kang?” The woman said. “You Jiyong, introduce yourself.”

Standing slightly behind his mother, he bowed to me and Eomma. “Hello. I’m Kwon Jiyong. I’m six years old. Nice to meet you too.”

“Ah, so you’re a hyung for Daesung-ie…” Eomma said. “Please take care of him, Jiyong.”

“But I guess Daesung-ie is the one who will take care our Jiyong-ie. Like I said before at the school, Mrs. Kang. Jiyong-ie is a weak child, not like his Noona. Our Dami is a trouble maker.”

“I guess our daughters are troublemakers.” My mother huffed a shy laugh.

I started to feel bored and I wanted to watch TV at home. There was no toy to play with and all I did was sitting and watching Kwon Jiyong as he drew something. I stood up from the sofa and tugged my mother’s skirt, sending a signal that I wanted to go home. Eomma looked at me.

“Ah… I forget. You two, get along okay?” Eomma patted my back, slightly pushing me towards him.

“Ah…” A woman in front of me giggled. “I think both of them are shy kids. It’s alright, Kiddo. Jiyong Hyung will show you his playing room, okay?”

“But Eomma!” He whined. “I’ve built a fortress and no one can enter my fortress!”

“Jiyong?” I saw his mother sending a sharp glare to him. He pouted his lips. Then his mother looked at me. “Daesung-ah, you can follow your Jiyong Hyung and play with him. Do you like drawing?”

I shook my head. “But I like books.”

“Jiyong has a lot of story books. Just go with him.” She smiled at me.

I looked at Kwon Jiyong, but he was looking anywhere else. He put his hands in his pocket and stomped his feet.  _I prefer not to follow him._

“It’s okay, Daesung-ah.” Eomma patted my back. “Go follow your hyung.”

I nodded even I didn’t like the idea of being with him. Kwon Jiyong then walked away and I followed him from behind with heavy steps. He stooped at one door and opened it. He entered the room without me and I slightly trotted to there.

“Hey, are you coming in or not?” He stuck out his head from inside and held the door.

“Yes.”

I looked at the door and saw a big dragon drawing hanging. “Hyung, did you draw this Dragon?”

“Yeah. It’s me.  _Yongie_.”

I took time to observe the drawing; this hyung surely could draw. I wished that he could draw for my homework. I would get high marks for art class and Seonsaengnim would hang my picture on the wall. But then I lowered my head upon realizing that I wouldn’t be going to the same school again because my family moved.

I looked at Jiyong Hyung. He took a big set of crayon and drawing book from a shelf and then laying on the floor on his stomach. I was left near the door and I didn’t like the feeling. Slowly, I came near him and sat in front of him as he started to draw something. His hand movements were absurd at first, but then I could see it slowly become a thing. I squinted my eyes, but I still didn’t get the form.

“What is that, Hyung?” I asked him.

Jiyong Hyung then threw a glare at me. I gulped. “If you want to read something, you could take something from the shelf. Don’t bother me while I’m drawing, Daesung.”

I murmured a weak ‘yes’ then stood up to search for a book I could read from the shelf. There’s nothing I could read -strange books written in English alphabet.  _Ugh!_  Then I saw a book with Hangeul written on the side.  _Bear Adventures._ I took out the book and sat on the small couch at the corner of the room. Before I opened the book and started to read, I took a gander at the room. It’s a quite spacious for a playroom. I hope Eomma would make me a playroom too, so I could put my toys and books on the shelves like Jiyong Hyung and played all time.

I was carried away when I read the books, until that woman (I guessed I had to call her Aunty from now on) knocked on the door.

“Hey!”

I immediately stood up and Jiyong Hyung did the same.

“Did you two get along?”

I scratched my head even though it wasn’t itchy. I had nothing to say because all I did was reading and he was drawing all the time.

“I think so.” Jiyong Hyung said.

I looked at him in disbelief.  _What? You lied, Hyung!_  My mouth was opened, ready to say something. He then passed me a paper.

“Here, Daesung-ie. For you.”

I accepted the paper and take a look. My eyes got bigger upon seeing the drawing. “DORAEMON!” I shouted.

“Do you like it?” He grinned.

“I love Doraemon so much, Hyung. How did you know?” I couldn’t contain my jubilance and I wanted to jump and hug Jiyong Hyung.

“That.” He simply pointed at my pocket. My Doraemon keychain was dangling from my pocket. It was my favorite and I always carried it everywhere. I smiled at him.

“Thank you, Jiyong Hyung.” I bowed.

“Aigooo…” Aunty Kwon came towards us and ruffled my hair before squatting in front of me and hugging me. “Such a good mannered kid.”

“Thank you, Aunty.” As soon as she stood up, Jiyong Hyung hid behind her back.

“Have you found a school for Daesung, Mrs. Kang?” Aunty Kwon asked Eomma to which Eomma shook her head followed by her reply.

“Not yet, I’m still searching for a good kindergarten for him.”

“Just attend the same kindergarten with Jiyong, Mrs. Kang. Let’s go together with me tomorrow and put Daesung in the same class with Jiyong.”

“Is that possible?”

 

I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation and was busy praising the blue robot cat drawing in my hands. I tilted my head to see if Jiyong Hyung was still hiding, but then his gaze met mine. He covered half of his face with his mother’s skirt and showed me his eye smile.

I smiled back at him.

Jiyong Hyung.

_I think I like you._

***

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

 

I stretched my body lazily before hitting the alarm clock on the night stand without opening my eyes. After it stopped, I stayed frozen for a while to collect my thoughts. It’s morning for sure, but I forgot at what time I set the alarm. I opened one eye and saw a weak sunray from the gap between the curtains. Then I blinked and stared at the ceiling.

_Shit, I’m home._

 

I covered my face with my palm. I hated being at home. _._

Maybe that was why I dreamed about Jiyong Hyung,  _again._

Ah, it was not a dream, it was a recollection of my memories of him that was played unconsciously by my brain. At times like this, I wished I could hypnotize myself to forget him. Sighing, I got up and sat on the side of the bed with my feet dangling. I looked at the old frame on the wall. It has been with me almost all the time and I just couldn’t take it off from my wall.

 _‘I had it framed and hung, Hyung. That Doraemon,’_ I said inwardly like that man would hear me. ‘ _It’s almost thirty years ago. Dammit, Kwon Jiyong.’_

I rubbed my face.

Why was it hard to accept that he didn’t love me like I loved him?

 

I walked to the bathroom while taking off the only fabric on my body – my boxer. I adjusted the water temperature and let the water wet my hair down to my toes. Putting my hands on the wall, my brain started to wonder. I hated being at home. I hated that being at home reminded me that I was still alone with my feelings, drowning into a sea of loneliness which had no end to its depths.

I hated being at home because he was there.

Like an asymptote, the curve will never cross the line –I’m the curve and he was the line. The distance between the curve and the line may approach arbitrarily close to zero as they tend to infinity, but still: there’s distance in between, and it sucked.

My tears started to run down.

_I’m tired._

I thought that being away from you would completely erase my memories of you. But apparently I had so many memories of you, I couldn’t just forget it easily. Then what’s the meaning of all my journeys to faraway countries if I couldn’t forget you?

_I’m tired of being alone._

I rubbed my face, washing the tears away. This time, I properly washed my body.

_I can’t stay pathetic like this._

***

 

It was a spring day and I got my new uniform. Eomma told me that I would be at the same class with Jiyong Hyung despite my age. I didn’t understand what Eomma said but I got the part about me passing some test. I tried to remember when I did the test, but whatever, I got into the same class with Jiyong Hyung.

When I arrived at the school, I saw Jiyong Hyung and Aunty Kwon.  While Aunty Kwon was talking to the teacher, I ran to Jiyong Hyung and hugged him.

“Hyuuuuunggg! Good morning!” I said cheerily while hugging him.

“AW! DAESUNG STOP!” He winced. “It hurts.” I released him from the hug and saw him caressing his right arm. I sent him a confused look.

“Daesung, honey, your Jiyong Hyung had his medication yesterday and he was injected on his right arm. It still hurts, I think.”

“YOU ALMOST KILLED ME DAESUNG!” Jiyong Hyung shouted.

“Stop overreacting, Jiyong-ah. You may frighten Daesung.” Aunty Kwon said.

“Ah, Mrs. Kwon, forgive my Daesung. He doesn’t know yet.”

Alternately looking at Eomma and Aunty Kwon, I asked, “I don’t know what?”

Aunty Kwon squatted in front of me. “Your Jiyong Hyung is sick, Daesung-ah. So, Aunty has a request. Would you hear it?”

I nodded.

“Would you take care of our Jiyong-ie? I know you’re the dongsaeng, but you’re stronger than him. Just tell me if he doesn’t drink his medicines or if he doesn’t eat his lunch, okay?”

“Ah, Eommaaa!” Jiyong Hyung whined. “I will eat my lunch. You don’t need to ask Daesung-ie to watch over me!”

“Last time you said the same thing, Jiyong, and then Eomma found out that you didn’t eat your lunch, nor your medicine. Remember what happened?”

I saw Jiyong Hyung lowered his head. “I remember.”

Aunty then looked at me. “So, Daesung-ah. Would you please take care of your Hyung?”

I nodded. “Yes, Aunty. And Hyung,” I held his left hand –not to repeat the same mistake- and said, “Sorry. I didn’t know it hurt.” He looked at me and gave me a weak smile.

I gave him my best smile –the same smile I gave to Eomma or Appa when I wanted something.

“There you two. Just go inside. Your teacher is waiting for you.” Eomma said to us.

I glanced to Jiyong Hyung and he nodded. We walked to the class together.

Still holding hands.


	2. Chapter 2

I loved school, because there were a lot of books and I could read them before nap time. Oh, oh, oh! And there’s Jiyong Hyung too! I liked him better than Bora Noona! Bora Noona always scolded me and I didn’t like that. Jiyong Hyung also had a Noona –Dami Noona- but I rarely saw her. She always played with Bora Noona in her room while Jiyong Hyung played with me at the backyard.

It was Monday and I liked the fact that I would meet Jiyong Hyung at class, and peek at him while he was drawing something. I ran to the class, but I didn’t find his coat nor his shoes on the shelf. I saw on the board that Jiyong Hyung wouldn’t attend the class, but I didn’t understand the other words that were written under his photo.

The rest of the class was extremely boring without Jiyong Hyung’s smile and laughter. I couldn’t even take a nap and just pretended by closing my eyes. I wondered what happened with him.

Eomma picked me up as usual after the class was ended, but we didn’t get onto the usual bus.

“Where are we going, Eomma?”

“Visit your Jiyong Hyung at hospital.”

“Hospital? Why is he at hospital?”

“He got into the hospital since yesterday, Daesung-ah. Eomma also doesn’t know what happened to Jiyong-ie.”

I held Eomma’s hand tightly and I rubbed my chest. It slightly hurt when I heard Jiyong Hyung was in hospital. Upon arriving, I couldn’t help but to force Eomma to tell me where Jiyong Hyung was and then ran to his room.

“Careful Dae! Jiyong could be sleeping right now!” Eomma shouted.

When I saw the right room number, I peeked through the glass and Jiyong Hyung was eating his meal. I pushed the door with my body, and ran to him.

“Daesung-ah, you came?” A woman greeted me and I bowed to Aunty Kwon then observed Jiyong Hyung.

“Hyung, are you alright?” I grabbed the bed railing and looked up at Jiyong Hyung. Then I felt a smack on my head.

“Little brat! Aunty Kwon greeted you but you didn’t say anything?” Eomma then pushed my head, forcing me to bow. “Forgive my son, Mrs. Kwon. And you Daesung, give Aunty a proper greeting!”

While pouting, I greeted Aunty Kwon. “Hello Aunty. I am sorry.”

“It’s okay Daesung-ah. You must be worried about your Jiyong Hyung, right?” Aunty Kwon gave her warm smile to me.

“Yes, Aunty. I’m worried about Hyung so much that I didn’t take a nap at school earlier.” Then I heard a chuckle from Jiyong Hyung and I looked at him.

“You’re funny, Daesung-ah.” Jiyong Hyung said. His eyes disappeared when he smiled at me, his right hand reached upon me and ruffled my hair. I smiled at the gesture and decided that I wanted Jiyong Hyung to ruffle my head forever.

“Why are you here, Hyung?”

“Apparently we played a lot last Saturday and I had a fever at the night. The temperature didn’t went down until the day after and here I am…”

I nodded and observed his body. “You have so many water packs. What are those things, Hyung?”

“It’s called IV tube, Dae. It’s medicine.”

I saw his hands and his weak smile; it must have hurt so much. I hate syringes so much because I was injected before and it was painful even it was only for a second or two. But this, Jiyong Hyung—

“Hey, hey, hey, Daesung-ah? Hey why are you crying?”

I held the bed rail with one hand and wiped the tears with my uniform. “I-it seems so painful, Hyung. You g-got so many needles—” I then wiped the water running down my nose, “a-and that long tube. If only I didn’t ask you to play in the backyard and stayed in your playing room, y-you would not be here. I-I-I’m sorry. Huwaaaaaaaaa!!” My tears burst out and Eomma had to muffle my voice by hugging me.

“Aigoooo, my Daesung-ie.” I turned my head just to find Aunty Kwon patting my head. “It’s okay. Our Jiyong-ie rarely plays on the backyard so he forgot he couldn’t get too tired. I guess your hyung was also happy to have you in our home. Right Jiyong?” Aunty Kwon turned her head to look at Jiyong Hyung and I looked at Jiyong Hyung, too.

“It’s been a long time since the last time I played like that,” he added. I wriggled from Eomma’s embrace and tried to climb up to the bed, sitting beside Jiyong Hyung.

“Hyung, is it painful?” I was being careful to not touch his hands.

“ _Eung._  Of course it’s painful.”

I tried to hold the tears.  _I knew it!_ I shouted inwardly. I eyed his skinny hand. “Is there something I could do to ease the pain?”

“Nothing, Daesung-ah. Even the doctor will say ‘it will sting a bit’. So yeah, nothing.” He shrugged.

“Hyung, I’ll be a children’s doctor!”

“Children’s doctor?” He looked at me. His eyebrows raised in confusion. “Do you mean pediatrician?”

I nodded eagerly. “Yeah. That! So I could treat you without the pain! I don’t like to see you in pain. I know it’s painful because the last time I went to the doctor and got injection, the needle was soooo big and I hated that doctor!”

“Eiii, you’re over reacting! Hyung knows that the needle wasn’t that big.” He pinched my cheek. “And also, you babo Dae, if you’re going to be a pediatrician later, I will be as old as you. How can you you treat me as a pediatrician when I become an adult too?”

It was like a lamp suddenly switching on in my head. “Ah, right. I forgot about that.” I lowered my head in embarrassment.

Jiyong Hyung laid his head on the pillow. Suddenly I felt the urge to yawn, and yawning I was while stretching my hands.

“Are you sleepy, Daesung-ah?” Eomma asked me.

I rubbed my eyes and nodded.

“Shall we go home?”

“No.” I laid myself beside Jiyong Hyung. “I want to take a nap here.” I carefully hold Jiyong Hyung’s right arm. “Let me sleep beside Hyung like this, Eomma.”

“Ya! You—” Eomma was ready to pick me up, but I saw Aunty Kwon prevented her from doing so.

“Let him be, Mrs. Kang. I think spending one or two more hours in here is okay. I need a friend to talk to, and Daesung can take a nap here.”

“But—”

“It’s okay.”

That was the last thing I heard before drifting to sleep.

While holding Jiyong Hyung’s arm.

***

 

I changed into knitted sweater and sweatpants. It was only the beginning of autumn, but it was darn cold, even rubbing hands together wouldn’t help. Lazily combing my slightly long locks with my fingers, I went towards the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. While waiting for the coffee machine to produce my latte, I opened the refrigerator.  _Cake, cake, where’s the cake?_ I singsonged in my head while looking for the cake. After I got the leftover cake, I closed the refrigerator.

Just to find a messed up reflection of myself on the refrigerator’s door.

I couldn’t see the reflection clearly, indeed, but I could see the sorrow inside those eyes – my eyes. It’s swollen and empty.

Like my heart.

The quietness once again, filled up my apartment. The coffee machine stopped working – a sign that my latte was ready to drink. I ate the cake in one bite then took my cup of latte to the living room. Facing the television, I put the cup on the table and sat on the couch. I looked around my apartment.

It was big, too big for a single man, but it had everything – it was a luxury apartment anyway. Since Eomma had been gone, I practically lived by myself. On her last days, Eomma lived with me instead of living in the house, my childhood house, with Noona. Eomma was begging me to settle myself down before she left the world, but I told her I couldn’t. She told me that I had almost everything a man could wish for: steady job and a lot of money. There was only one thing I didn’t have: a partner to love and be loved by.

I realized now that Eomma just wanted her only son to be happy, whoever I would end up with. She didn’t beg for grandchildren – she had enough from Noona, she said. She just wanted to know who the person his only son decides to live with is. But I was too selfish. I was too busy burying myself into the piled up memories with Jiyong Hyung, I forgot she didn’t live forever. Even though I saw her smiling in her coffin before the cremation, she was crying deep inside. I knew very much that she had one wish to be granted by her son, but her ungrateful son was just standing still in front of the urn, knowing nothing about what has to be done.

Then, here I was. Still alone.

***

 

It was a very hot, last summer holiday of our junior high school life. Jiyong Hyung and I decided to go to a park to spend time together. I picked him up at his house and he was bringing quite a big sketchbook and a mat along with him. I brought a book with me. Initially, I actually wanted to bring our homework to the park, but Jiyong Hyung shouted at me when he called me. It was holiday and the homework could be done on the last week of holiday, he said. I obeyed him and only brought the book to the park.

We chose the biggest tree and laid the mat under it. He opened his sketchbook and began to draw. I laid myself on the mat and opened my own book. After a while, I peeked at Jiyong Hyung just to find that he was drawing a portrait of a man. I got up from my previous position, curious.

“Hyung, who’s that?”

Surprised, he closed his sketchbook right away. “No-nothing.” He pulled in his sketchbook, close to his chest, hiding it away. “It’s nothing Daesung-ah.”

I shook my head upon looking at his reaction. “You don’t have to hide anything from me, Hyung.” I grabbed his sketchbook. “Now tell me who you drew on that sketchbook, or I will confiscate this.”

Reluctantly, he slowly opened the sketchbook and revealed portrait of a chubby boy. I looked at Jiyong Hyung’s face. His cheeks were slightly rosy upon seeing the sketch he himself drew. My breath hitched.

 _What was this feeling?_ I talked to myself.

“Do you like boys, Hyung?”

“Why is your tone like that, Dae?”

“What’s with my tone?”

“You don’t seem to like it.” He sighed after looking at me. “Yeah I like this boy and I hope I can be his boyfriend. How about you, Daedae? Do you have someone that you like?”

“I don’t know, Hyung.” I felt a lump in my throat and I couldn’t get rid of it even I tried to swallow it.

“Everyone seems to have girlfriend. How about you?”

“I-I don’t know, H-hyung.” I stuttered. Why did I stutter?

“Why you don’t know?”

“I think I prefer to watch over you and focus on my studies. We’re going to graduate next spring!”

“Tsk. You still remember that promise?”

“How could I not? It’s like an encouragement for me, keeping me on track to become a doctor.”

“So you mean that you chose to be a doctor because of me?”

“You’re one of the reasons, Hyung.” I said.  _How could I say that he’s one of the reasons when in fact he’s the only reason that I kept studying hard to become a doctor?_ I kept the voice back in my head.

Jiyong Hyung bobbed his head in a nod, as if he could buy what I said before. “Anyway Dae,” he tapped my shoulder and looked at me deeply, “Could you keep it?”

“Keep what?”

“Keep the fact that I like a boy to yourself.”

I nodded. That’s what I did best.

“Good. Since you’re the only one I can talk to, I will tell you about him. You know Dae, he’s so cute! He has puffy cheeks and an appearance just like a bear! He—”

I couldn’t hear what he was saying. It all faded in background as I slowly found it hard to control my breath and the pain in my chest didn’t go away upon hearing him. I immediately stood up.

“Daesung-ah!” He shouted as he jerked back. “You surprised me! What happened?”

“I-I—” I gulped. “I’m thirsty and I think I want to buy something at the vending machine there. Do you want anything, Hyung?”

He knitted his eyebrows. “Orange juice, please.”

“I’ll come back soon.” I said to him.

But in fact I didn’t come back to give him the orange juice. I ran, back to my house.

Leaving Jiyong Hyung all alone.

***

 

That was the first time I ran away from him. At that time, after knowing that he liked someone, I ran as fast as possible and went straight to my room. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t cry either; I just stared at the ceiling blankly. I was too young to realize that the painful feeling on my chest was called jealousy. I might know the word, but I didn’t know the feeling until I felt it myself. It made my stomach churn and there was this fire in my body.

I was trying to avoid meeting Jiyong Hyung for the rest of the summer holiday. But three days after, he came to my house and brought his homework, saying that I should help him with doing it. He even bribed me with a lot of orange juice. But still, when we took a rest from doing the homework, Jiyong Hyung told me about the boy he liked; that he purposely went to the convenience store where his crush worked and waited for his shift to end and tried to talk to him.

Jiyong Hyung’s eyes were sparkling when he talked about that man. He laughed, he giggled, he chuckled; all he did was show that he was not just liking the man – he loved the man. There I was, ignoring the prickling sensation on my chest and laughing with him although I didn’t know what I was laughing at.

 

I sipped the latte in my cup.  _Shit._  There’s nothing left in my cup. I walked to the balcony and stared at the view. The trees were changing their color and some leaves were falling. Autumn is actually my second favorite season. The trees were like the canopy of red, gold and orange; just like the color gradation when the sun is setting or rising in the horizon.

Sun.

Taeyang-ssi.

I blew more air out of my nose while slightly arching the corners of my mouth. ‘How are you? What are you doing now, Taeyang-ssi? Are you happy now?’ were the things I wanted to ask to him. I looked at the wood bracelet I wore on my wrist – it was the thing I bought when we had shopping together in Bali. It was really nice to meet you, my summer love.

Some people might come and some people might go, but how many people that have come into my life, and stayed?

They preferred to go and leave me.

 

I really couldn’t stay in this suffocating apartment!

I rushed into my room, put some lotion on my face and combed my hair. Before going out, I saw myself in the mirror. I guessed there would be no one watching me, right? I grabbed my wallet and a random novel from the shelf. Putting my shoes on, I went to the nearest park.

While searching for a bench to sit on, I inhaled the autumn air. I smiled. It’s exactly the scent that I loved the most: earthy. There weren’t a lot of people at the park; there was only a few  _ahjussi_ who tried to gather the falling leaves in one place.

I saw a bench near under a big tree and decided to sit on that bench while reading the novel. I looked around the park. Some young couples were at the park and they took turns to take photos, trying to get the colorful leaves as the background. I admired whoever designed the park. The trees were lined up like a gate. In winter, it will be a white colored gate. In spring it’ll be a pink-colored gate, while in summer it becomes green gate with a subtle red or pink color. Then in autumn, the trees will be colorful: red, orange, and gold with subtle green if it’s in the early autumn like this.

Then I saw a couple kissing while trying to take their own picture. I immediately turned my head to look somewhere else. I sighed.

I also turned my head somewhere else when Jiyong Hyung and that man kissed each other.

***

 

Since the beginning of senior high school, I couldn’t have time to do sleepover at Jiyong Hyung’s home because we entered different high schools. When I got no homework, I told Eomma that I wanted to spend the weekend with Jiyong Hyung. I also saved my pocket money so that I could ask Jiyong Hyung to the amusement park. After getting permission from Eomma, I ran to his house. I really missed him and I wanted to meet him as soon as possible.

Aunty Kwon greeted me at the door, but I realized that there was another pair of shoes that I wasn’t familiar with. Aunty Kwon read my face.

“Jiyong-ie’s friend also came too, Daesung-ah. I guess you could meet him, too. He seems to be a good man. Just go straight to Jiyong’s room like usual.” She said to me.

I ran upstairs and then realized that Jiyong Hyung didn’t close the door of his room. An evil plan was getting in my head. I smirked and tip-toed, ready to surprise him.

But then, as I walked towards the door, I was surprised.

Jiyong Hyung was kissing a man.

I was frozen for a while. I wanted to scream but nothing came out from my mouth. Instead, the tears started flowing from my eyes. I bit my lips and ran out from Jiyong Hyung’s house, ignoring Aunty Kwon who was screaming my name behind me.

That was the second time I ran away from him.

But I found myself coming back to him every single time, listened to his stories, while I ignored the cracking sound of my heart. I kept smiling even when my world seemed to fall apart upon hearing his love stories. He was so obsessed to his stories, I sometimes wondered whether he purposely hurting me by making me listen.

One time, I was really curious: what will be his response if I told I loved him? I jokingly asked him.

“Eii Daesung. It’s impossible for us to be lovers. You’re my brother, my little brother. I love you, but as my brother. It’s hard for me to even imagine as my boyfriend.”

I smiled weakly upon hearing the answer. The word ‘joke’ saved me from the embarrassing moment, but the feeling was same as rejection.

A shitty feeling.

But still. I couldn’t leave him.

***

 

A sound of laughter snapped me back into reality. The owner of the voice was a boy that was running here and there near the piled up leaves. I smiled. Ah, how I loved the sound of children’s laughter. I looked at the boy then looked at his surroundings. I didn’t find a person that look like his guardian. The piled up leaves were dangerous if he didn’t—

“HUWAAAAAAAAAAANGG!!”

That’s it.

The little boy slipped and fell into the piled up leaves. I immediately stood up from the bench and went towards the little boy. I helped him with standing up and squatted to look at the little boy. His face was dirty and he was still crying. I suppressed the urge to laugh at the cute and saddening face while brushing off the dirt from his jacket and face. I observed him – he had scratch on his temple and his backhand - and the boy was still bawling his eyes out. I hugged and made circles on his back to soothe him. When he was calming down, I brushed the dirt on his shoulder off.

Then I realized a man was standing in front of me. I looked at the man, slightly surprised. Where did I see this features before? He was stunningly handsome with the long coat he’s wearing. I looked at the man and the boy alternately. Ah, must be his guardian. His clumsy guardian to be exact. I smiled to the little boy and gave him last hug.

“Are you okay, Kid?”

I was hoping that the little boy would tell me his condition, but instead I heard the standing man said something.

“I’m not okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not okay,” the man said.

Brows knitting out of confusion, I said to the other man. “I beg your pardon?”

“I mean, this kid maybe, h-he wants to say ‘I’m not okay’. I-I t-think so.” He stuttered and played with his own fingers

I bobbed my head at the explanation and observed the kids more. I looked at his hands and his body first. Upon finishing my observation, I looked at the kid’s guardian. “Apparently this kid has scratches on his head and his hands. How about you two come to my apartment and I will take care of the wounds.”

There was a thought that I knew his face but at the same time I hated the expression on his face. He looked like a neighborhood fool. But have I met him before?

“O-ah-ehm… Okay. Alright.” He tried to lift the kid, but I did it first.

“Just let me do this, okay?” I said to him. He just lifted up his hands in surrender and let me do the job. He followed my fast steps to my apartment without any other words.

The man seemed flustered for a while when we reached my apartment building. When we were in the lift, I got a familiar feeling but I forgot when and where I felt it.

We arrived at my apartment. I let the man to sit in the living room and I put the kid on the sofa. I went to take my first aid bag, but upon my arrival with the kit, the kid screamed.

“I hate medicineee!!!” He ran to his guardian’s lap, trying to hide himself under the man’s coat.

I put the bag on the table and came near him, squatting in front of them. “Hey kid. What is your name?”

“I am Lee Yeonjun. I am four years old!” He said with an intonation of a soldier as if he was in the military. I chuckled.

“Okay Yeonjun. Samchon here is trying to clean the wound on your head and your hands. Are you okay with that?”

“I know what’s inside that bag. It must be a syringe!” he screamed and shook his head very fast.

“Oh really?” I nodded. “Don’t you want to know what’s really inside the bag first? You will be surprised!” I stood up and sat on the couch as well, on the opposite side of where his guardian sat. I hugged the first aid bag and tried to convince him.

My gesture was so convincing that he climbed down from his guardian’s lap and started to come towards me. I patted my lap and to which he reached out his arms, wanting me to lift him up.

“Do you want to open the bag by yourself?” I asked him.

He nodded and unzipped the bag. His eyes got bigger when he saw what’s inside the bag.

“Bear and duck seett! Which one do you like more, Yeonjun?” I shouted.

“Duuuuckkk!” He said happily.

“Okay then. Mr. Duck here will help me to clean your wounds so it will leave no traces on your handsome face, Yeonjun-ah. How does it sound?”

“I like it!”

I opened the duck set and took a towel and a small pack of wet tissues with alcohol. The set was basically a mini first aid kit for kids. It has bandages, towel, tissues and iodine cotton in a duck design. I combed Yeonjun’s hair to the back and started to clean the wound first. He was busy playing with the small duck keychain inside the bag. When I was busy cleaning, I took a peek at the man, trying to observe his reaction. He was just sitting there looking at Yeonjun, but then his gaze met mine. I immediately pretended to focus on Yeonjun’s wound.

“It’s strange that Yeonjun is easily sitting on your lap, D-“ He paused a bit. “D-doctor. Mr. Doctor.”

I smiled at his stuttering voice. “Oh really? I guess it’s my nature to get closer to children easily .” I looked at the wounds on Yeonjun’s head and hand. “It’s clean. Now big boy, this time will be a little bit stingy, but it will be over soon, okay?”

Yeonjun nodded and gripped my sweater. He closed his eyes and I started to dab iodine cotton to his temple. He whimpered, but then still stayed strong. I patted his back and put another dab on his hand.

“Finish! Now Mr. Duck here will put the bandage for you.”

I was ready to tear the bandage when Yeonjun stopped me. “Mr.  _Ducktor_ , may I use the bear ones?”

“Mr.  _Ducktor_?” I giggled. “Why  _Ducktor_?”

“It’s duck and doctor. So,  _Ducktor._  How? Can I use the bear?”

“No problem.” I took out bear bandage and put it on his temple and hand. “Finished!”

“Yahooooo!!” He raised his hands on the air. “Mr.  _Ducktor,_  I saw that you have toy cars over there. Could I play with it?”

“Oh yeah you can!”

Then he started to run towards the shelf and took some toys from there. I sighed and started tidying the first aid kit.

“You’re like an angel, Mr.  _Ducktor._ ” The man said.

I craned up my head and looked at him. “You, too?” I smirked devilishly. “Since Yeonjun is close to us, would you please come with me to the kitchen?”

“F-for what?”

I stood up and gesturing him to follow me. He also stood up and followed me to the kitchen. I made sure that I still could see Yeonjun from the kitchen. I stood behind the kitchen bar and he’s standing in front of me.

“Sorry for being rude at our first meeting, but. What kind of guardian are you?”

“M-me?”

“Yes you! Leaving Yeonjun alone to play and run beside the piled up leaves. You know it’s dangerous, don’t you? Oh, I guess you don’t know! I didn’t see you immediately at the scene and that meant that you were far from him, right? What is your name?”

“Seunghyun.”

“Seunghyun-ssi, it’s dangerous for children to play far from his guardian on the park and you-“ I curled up my fingers when I saw him staring to somewhere else and even smiled. “Do you hear me, Seunghyun-ssi?”

“Yes. I hear you.” He smiled again. I knitted my brows.  _What is he?_  “Please, continue your nagging.” He looked at me, as if he heard me seriously.

“I’m not nag—” I sighed. “I’m not nagging. I’m just worried and slightly mad at you, Seunghyun-ssi.” I took three cups – one special cup for Yeonjun and made hot chocolate for them.

I gave one cup to Seunghyun and started to observe him.  _Brunette hair, eyeglass, those dimples, where did I see this features before?_

“It’s rude to stare at someone like that, Mr.  _Ducktor._ ” He said without looking at me and sipped his chocolate. “Wow. You made a very delicious chocolate drink.”

“Have I met you before, Seunghyun-ssi?”

He looked me in the eyes. No, correct that. He stared into my eyes, deeply. My heart skipped a beat with the sudden change of gaze. I couldn’t see the mischievous gaze, but instead I found a longing gaze.  _What was that?_  I gulped. He then averted my eyes and drank more chocolate. “Yes, we have met before.”

“I knew it!” I shouted. “You look so familiar! Where did we meet? United States? Japan? Indonesia?”

“None of them, Daesung-ssi.” He said sternly.

I was taken aback. “I never told you my name!”

“Yes you did.” He left me and went towards the living room, where Yeonjun was playing. We sat on the couch, the same position as before. I wanted to ask him so many questions, but then Yeonjun came to him and started to suck his thumb. Yeonjun raised his hands, asking for a lift.

“I’m tired, Samchon. Let’s go home.” Yeonjun said.

“Let’s go home.” Seunghyun stood up and lifted him. “But before we do that, say thanks to Mr. Doctor here.”

Yeonjun bowed to me. “ _Kam-sa-ham-ni-da_ , Mr. Doctor.”

“It’s nothing. Get well soon, Yeonjun-ah.” Then I stepped closer to Seunghyun and Yeonjun, and kissed Yeonjun’s head. Then he put his head on Seunghyun’s shoulder. I smiled at the sight. We were walking towards the door.

“Thank you, Daesung-ssi.” Seunghyun said while putting his shoes on.

“You haven’t answered my question. Where did we meet?”

“I will answer that if you agree to go for a dinner with me.”

I rolled my eyes. “What?”

“Y-you know as a gratitude, f-for taking care of Yeonjun.”

I thought it for a while.  _Well, nothing’s wrong actually. Quite a handsome man, I could go with that._  “Okay. What time?”

“Seven. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Nice.”

“Perfect. See you.” He slightly bowed and went away.

I closed the door after their backs disappeared from my sight.  _Shit, why couldn’t I remember him?_  Then I heard my phone ringing.  _Text. Must be from him._

 

From: xxstrangerxx

_They said autumn is the hardest season – the leaves are falling and scattered on the ground. The leaves were just so much in love with the ground, but they have to patiently wait until autumn to meet the ground. Patience does wonders, doesn’t it?_

_Some people expect to be sad in the autumn and they think their happiness only begins in spring. But you know what, my happiness began in autumn. I’m like the leaves that finally met the ground in autumn. Even if they died, I guess they were happy to finally meet the ground._

_How are you? Are you happy this autumn?_

 

I immediately wrote a reply.

_I don’t know, Stranger. I guess I’m not okay this autumn. I am more like the tree. Part of me died as every one of those leaves leave me and I expect to be bare and cold at winter. If only I could die before winter comes… I don’t want to feel lonely in the winter. Can I just skip winter?_

 

Then I put the message on the draft folder. I looked at the number, 247 messages in the folder, unsent. The stranger never failed to text me every day since winter last year, but I never send back the reply. At first I thought that it was Jiyong Hyung who wanted to mess with me. But when I confronted him, he said that he would never send a poetic message like that and he had no reason to text me, he would just call or e-mail me. I just bobbed my head when I heard that, but still suspecting Jiyong Hyung as the one who gave my number to someone.  _Taeyang-ssi? Eii, it’s just last summer and we didn’t share anything but lies, apparently._

I blamed myself because I couldn’t restrain myself to search “Taeyang” on the  internet, but as I expected, the result were of the sun and its explanation. I got nothing. If that Taeyang searched my name, maybe he would find something – Daniel Kang was my English name anyway. Maybe he’d find something on my alma-mater, but it was certain that I didn’t put any information about my whereabouts, much less my phone number.

Then I heard another ring on my phone.

 

_Because I’m happy this autumn, I hope you’ll be happy too._

 

I smiled. His (I assumed that the stranger was a ‘he’) texts were ranging from quotes, short stories, cheer up messages, and his feelings. Sometimes I tempted to write a reply, but I never did.  _If he did want to know me, just phone me!_  Coward.

‘Look! The kettle calling the pot black.’ Said the little voice on my head.

_Ah yeah._

_I’m a coward, who pretends to be tough._

_A loser, a loner, a jackass covered in scars._

***

 

“So, where did we meet each other, Seunghyun-ssi?” I crossed my legs and laid my back on the backrest. I observed him; his appearance was roughly the same like this morning, except his hair was slicked back and parted in a 20:80 style.  _Not bad._  He took a sip of wine, as if he wanted to drink the lump in his throat.

“Bus stop, Daesung-ssi. Bus stop. Winter. Don’t you remember?” The words were carefully slipped out from his tongue. He took off his glasses and then started to ruffle his own hair. I slightly tilted my head and looked at him carefully.

“Oh my Gosh!” I leaned forward. “You’re the man! That man! No wonder I remember Seunghyun from somewhere.”

“There’s a lot people with the name ‘Seunghyun’…”

“No, I just know two Seunghyun. The one with Lee surname, and you…?”

“Choi.”

“Choi. Yes. Just both of you.”

“Ah really?”

“Yes. So… you’re…” I sighed and then leaned back. I took my glass of wine and sipped the red liquor.  _So, you’re the one who listened to my problem and said that I should follow my heart at that night. If only you didn’t say that…_

“So I am…?” This time Seunghyun leaned into the table and stared at me. I smirked.

“You’re the one who told me that I should follow my heart.”

He stayed still.

“And I did follow my heart. But it didn’t have a happy ending.”

“Everyone should be happy at the end Daesung-ssi. If you’re not happy, then it is not the end.”

I stared back at him. He smiled to me.

“Maybe you should walk more, find another way to walk. Maybe at the end of the road or while you’re walking your path, there’s someone waiting for you.”

“Couldn’t I just walk with that person with me?”

“That person will only be your luggage if he doesn’t go the same path with you. You’ll just drag him to the wrong path and you will hurt him instead. You don’t want to hurt him, right?”

“I want to hurt him so bad, Seunghyun-ssi.” I smirked. “So that he will know how much I suffered from this one-sided love.” I turned my head away from him. Tears were ready to flow, but I closed my eyes.

“But you didn’t hurt him.”

“I didn’t. I can’t. I know he suffered much more than me, physically. I can’t be selfish.”

“The unseen wounds are more difficult to heal, Daesung-ssi.”

“I’m a doctor, Seunghyun-ssi. I know that very well.”

He huffed a laugh. “I’m sorry. I guess you do know it better than me.” He raised his hands, but still chuckling.”

“Why are you chuckling?” I felt offended with his behavior and crossed my arms on my chest.

“Suddenly I remember ‘Mr. Ducktor’ when I heard ‘doctor’.”

I sighed. “How is he? Is he alright?”

“He is alright. But I got scolded from my sister for letting her precious son be wounded. And before I forget, Yeonjun asked for more bear bandages and I’ve been going to five super markets and ten convenience stores just to find nothing like your bandages. What kind of bandage is hard to find?”

“My bandage. I had it made just for me. Of course you can’t find it anywhere. The kids particularly like bear and duck set. But I guess I will make some more. The girls like princesses, and I don’t have that kind of set.”

Seunghyun applauded. “Who are you exactly?” He smiled, but in my eyes, it’s more like a mock than a praise. So I played with him.

“I’m an angel. I was sent to the earth to help kids.”

“How about adults? Do you help them too?”

“I take payment. Angels also need money to live.”

“What a poor angel.” He shook his head playfully. “I will seek for angels that do not take payment when he examines and cures me.”

Sticking out my mouth, I said to him. “If you get that angel, I will pay you all with my fortune.”

“I will get an angel like that in a month, Daesung-ssi. Prepare to spend all your money on me.” He barked a laugh.

My eyes got bigger in amazement when he laughed his heart out like that. Suddenly I forgot about my sadness before, because of Seunghyun. He stirred the conversation in an interesting way. He threw jokes – lame ones - and told me something about the things he liked: art. We even ordered more wine to accompany us.

He was just, an interesting person.

All this time, stirring the conversation was my forte; I listen in more by asking questions when I am in the conversation. But this time, even when I was listening more, I became the stirred one. I looked at the mirror in front of me and found out that I was smiling all night. I didn’t know whether it’s because of the conversation, or because I became drunk.

After spending hours talking to each other and when my head started spinning, we decided to get home. I insisted to divide the bill, because I said that helping Yeonjun was my pleasure, but he didn’t let me. He also offered to take me home upon seeing my state.

“Seunghyun-ssi, I really really amazed at your alcohol tolerance level. I thought that I am a heavy drinker, but then you…” I poked his shoulder. “…your level is higher than me.”

I said that while trying to input the password to open the door of my apartment. But my spinning head didn’t help me.

“UGH! Fuck.”

I input the wrong password many times, but eventually got it right. I opened the door and then faced Seunghyun.

“Good night, Seunghyun-ssi.” I bowed slightly, but then my body betrayed me. When I was about to fall, he caught me in his embrace.

“Be careful, Daesung-ssi.”

I wanted to push him, but I had no energy left. I snuggled my head on the crook of his neck and hugged him. It was warm. I liked this warmth.

“Please stay, Seunghyun-ssi.”


	4. Chapter 4

 

I woke up with a slight headache in my head. Damn, just how many bottle did I drink last night? After gaining my consciousness, I tried to collect my memories. I looked around the room and there wasn't a Doraemon painting hanging on the wall and the color of the curtain... It was different. How did I end up in my… Guest room? I lifted the blanket to check my own condition. I was only in my briefs.

Damn.

The last memory I had was when I tried to input my password to unlock the door. Between the scattered memories I remembered that… I was hugging Seunghyun, yeah. The warmth of his embrace, his scent…

Shit!

I suddenly looked at my left side and was relieved that there was nobody there. I stayed still while grabbing my blanket and my ears were set to anything that I could hear. It is possible that someone was in the bathroom, right? After a while making sure that there was nothing suspicious, I got out from bed.

My head was spinning and I was forced to sit and close my eyes for some minutes instead of walking to my own room. Thank God my shift in the hospital started from the late afternoon – I got some time to relax. I then opened my eyes just to find a glass of water and a note placed on the nightstand. Feeling grateful, I drank all the water and read the note.

 

_To the sober Daesung-ssi,_

_Firstly, I want to say sorry that I had to strip you, because you puked and it was a mess._

_No, I swear I didn’t commit sexual harassment towards you, yet. (Ugh, forgive my lame jokes)_

_~~But I got your topless picture in case I have to blackmail you.~~ _

_I don’t know where to put the laundry, so I put them in the bathtub._

_I prepared a glass of water because I think you’ll need that in the morning._

 

_Ehmm... ‘Warm regards’?_

_Seunghyun_

_p.s: you’re so cute when you’re drunk._

_p.s.s: call me when you’re sober._

 

I smiled at the note that he wrote to me. He got lame jokes, but I found it interesting. His handwriting was artsy. I recalled that he had the same writing as the graffiti artists that I always saw when I was in States. The handwriting was a beautiful mess; I liked it. I turned the note around and found his number. I smiled.

Damn you sly fox.

You didn’t get my number so you had to give your number to me, huh?

 

I looked around and found my phone on the other side of bed. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. Then I scoffed at the screen.  _Ah, Jiyong Hyung._  Ignoring the wallpaper, I input Seunghyun's number on my phone, then tapped on the envelope sign and started writing a text.

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**Thanks for taking care of me last night. I’m sorry that you have to see me in my drunken state even though it’s our first meeting. Skies I’m embarrassed. But, thank you once again, Seunghyun-ssi.**

 

After sending the text, I had another notification.

 

_Text message from xxstrangerxx._

 

Oh. It’s the stranger again. He never fails to send me text.

 

**Do you believe in heaven?**

 

I pressed reply.

 

**I believe in heaven, but I have no angels to take me there. Maybe they left me when I’m busy with my own sadness?**

 

As usual, I just put the reply at the draft folder. Two hundred messages and counting;  _why am I doing this?_  I bit my lower lips. Then another text came, still from the stranger.

 

**Have a nice day :)**

 

I didn’t remember when was his messages changed into a thing that I looked forward to. It was annoying at first; he sent me bunch of texts every day and I just ignored them. Slowly but sure the amount of text reduced, but then I kind of miss his text and found myself waiting for his new texts.

The stranger had never failed to send me at least three texts a day; morning, afternoon, and before sleeping. I grew fond of his texts and started to imagine the type of person he might be. Maybe he was a person whom I would like to spend my time with. Maybe he could cope with my antics and somewhat childish nature. Maybe he would be a good companion to explore the world since I found out that he sometimes told me stories about a country I’ve never been to.

Maybe, just maybe, he’s the person I wanted to be with.

 

I shook my head.  _What the fuck, brain?_

 

My phone rang again.

 

_Text message from Seunghyun Choi_

 

**No need to thank me, because I need you to treat me after all I’ve been through. Have a nice day :)**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Is that your attempt to meet me once again, Seunghyun-ssi?_ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Is that really obvious?**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Yeah. Try harder, Mr. Choi._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**So? When will I meet you again, Daesung-ssi?**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_I don’t know Seunghyun-ssi. I’m busy this week._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**It’s okay. I have your contact anyway. Btw, Yeonjun says hello to his favorite Mr. Ducktor.**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Give my warmest hug to Yeonjun._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Just Yeonjun? Where’s my hug?**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_I don’t have enough hugs left for you._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Eiii~ You’re so clingy last night :p Don’t be shy. ‘Seunghyun-ssi~~ Hug hug kiss kiss’ that’s what you said.**

 

Suddenly the blood rushed to my face and made my cheeks hot.  _Damn._  I put my palms to my cheeks, just to make sure that the temperature was still normal. I stared at the screen, forcing my brain to make a sassy comeback  to his text, but-

‘Checkmate, Daesung.’ Said the little voice in my head.

Finally, I texted him:

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_You win today, Mr. Choi Seunghyun._ **

 

We’re still texting each other, throwing endless banter until my stomach growled. I got up, lazily dragging myself to the bathroom. I saw my laundry in the bathtub.  _Yikes._  I washed the remaining dirt on the tube and then put the clothes and the towel in the washing machine.

Towel. That meant Seunghyun must have cleaned me well before putting me in the bed. I sniffed myself and I wasn’t that smelly; thanks to Seughyun's care. Then I remembered his text to me.

 

**_‘Seunghyun-ssi~~ Hug hug kiss kiss’ that’s what you said._ **

 

My head was spinning.  _Shit._ What did I do last night? I could only cross my finger, hoping that there was nothing too embarrassing.

***

 

After cleaning myself, I tried to make breakfast. I opened my fridge just to find nothing but leftover food. Just then, I heard someone rang the bell.

“Delivery service!” I saw the delivery man on the screen, deliberately showing his face to the camera.

“Sorry but I didn’t order anything.” I told to the delivery man simply, assuming he had delivered to the wrong address.

“For Kang Daesung, Le Jardin Apartment no.1724? There’s hangover soup for you.”

“Oh, that’s me? Wait.” Puzzled, I rushed to open the door. The delivery man handed quite a big paper bag to me.

“How much should I pay?” Fumbling, I took out money from my wallet, obviously not prepared for this.

“It has been paid, Sir.”

Scrunching my eyebrows together and narrowing my eyes at him, I questioned him, “Ah, really? Who paid this for me?”

“Ehm…” He took the receipt out from his pocket, scanning its contents in search for a name. “Mr. Choi.” Then he handed the receipt over to me.

“Ah, okay. Thank you.” I thanked him, finally grasping the situation. To which he just bowed and went away.

I stared at the paper bag and chuckled.  _What a good person._  Rushing to the kitchen, I took out all the food inside and set them on the table. Hangover soup, rice and some side dishes; my stomach grumbled again. I hurriedly took the spoon and sipped the broth. The taste lingered and I couldn’t stop putting more into my mouth. While eating, I texted Seunghyun.

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Thank you for the soup. I enjoyed the meal._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**No probs.  Glad you enjoyed it.**

 

I smiled at his text and continued gobbling the food down my throat. I needed energy to start my shift in the hospital and the hangover soup really easing the pain in my head.  _How did he know what was exactly the thing I needed?_

***

It was lunch time when I went to my favorite café to order my usual coffee before going to work. I walked happily to the café. Quite unusual for me since a hangover could easily destroy my mood for a whole day actually. But my mood was good even though I started the day with terrible headache. The hangover soup cured the headache and my heart slightly beated faster when I got texts from Seunghyun. It was working hours but he constantly replied to my texts and it made me wonder what he did for life.

Upon arriving, the barista saw me and smiled. He already knew what I would order anyway. I prepared my tumbler and gave it to the barista.

“As usual, Daesung-ssi?”

“Yes, please. And drop the formalities, Seunghoon.”

I was about to take out my wallet when the cashier stopped me.

“It’s been paid. Your coffee has been paid for this whole week, Hyung.” He smiled at me.

“What?” my brows narrowed, not hiding my confusion.

“It’s free. Your coffee has been paid.” I felt a wave of deja vu washing over me.

I crossed my hands on my chest, already suspecting the answer. “Who paid for my coffee?”

“Secret admirer maybe? Gosh, he’s irreplaceably handsome. I hate your good luck, Hyung. All the good looking men seems to be into you. Do you have some kind of lucky charm on you?”

I ignored Seunghoon's question and started to ask more. “Tall?”

“Taller than you, yes.”

“Glasses?”

“Plus ten points for him for wearing that glasses. So yes, he wears that.”

“Hair?”

“Brunette. Parted exactly 20:80.”

“Damn Choi Seunghyun.” I mumbled.  _Just why did he do all the things like this?_

“Who? If you don’t like him I don’t mind taking him.”

“Who said that Hyung doesn’t like him?”

“So you like him?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, but Seunghoon was smirking devilishly to me. "Correct that. It's not your business to know whether I like him or not."

"What is his name?”

“Don’t wanna tell.” I stuck out my tongue. “I will be late if I don’t go now. Bye Seunghoon!” I waved my hands and went away from the café.

“Hyung, I hate yoooouuuu~” Seunghoon sing-songed the mean words to me but I kept walk away.

***

I happily walked to the hospital while occasionally sipping the coffee. Ah, the coffee was surprisingly tastier than before.  _Is it because it's free or is it because of Seunghyun's care towards me?_  I shook my head.  _Why does he keep invading my head since morning?_

I walked into the elevator and pushed the button that goes to my destination. My mind started to wonder about Seunghyun again. He had something that kept me thinking of him. Always.  _His hollowed cheeks, his thin lips, his thick eyebrows, his height, his words, his gestures, his hands, his broad chest, his smile, his hair--_

_DING!_

The sound of elevator arriving at its destination pulled me back into reality.  _Did I just think about Seunghyun?_  I couldn't believe myself and hit my own cheeks.  _Get yourself together, Daesung!_

I went into a shared room and put my belongings in the locker. I wear my white coat and put cute stethoscope in my pocket.  _There begins my day._  I observed myself in the mirror behind the locker. Not bad. I ran my fingers in my hair, fixed the bangs and then winked at the reflection.

“You’re doing good Mr. Ducktor!”

“Who is doing good?” A female voice surprised me. I closed the locker immediately and observed my surroundings.  _That voice._

“Just show me your face, Chaerin-ah.”

“BOO!” Two hands were placed on my shoulders. I turned back to see the owner of delicate hands.

“I’m not surprised.”

Chaerin pouted her lips, her hands on her hips. “You ain’t no fun, Oppa!”

“It’s Doctor Kang for you, Nurse Lee.” I flicked her exposed temple. “What are you doing?”

“I just wanted to check the inventory room then I saw you talking to the mirror.” She was being quiet for a while and then scanned me from head to toe. “You’re… Different today.”

“Hmm?” I raised one eyebrow. “What?”

“I don’t know. Your face…” She pointed at my face and made circles with her fingers, “seems too vibrant for a good reason. Theen… That smile, it’s different.”

I chuckled. “What do you mean, actually?”

“Are you in love?” Chaerin shouted.

“Me? In love?” I scoffed. “With whom?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Oh, yeah. Before I forget, the head nurse said that there will be a new volunteer in the children’s ward. He will read some stories and play piano for the kids to enjoy.”

“Wow. I thought that no one would ever play that piano again.” I bobbed my head and caressed my chin. “From what university is the volunteer from?”

“Unlike before, the volunteer isn’t a university student. I don’t know his detailed information yet, but I think he’s a salary man.”

“Salary man? How did he get the time to do volunteer work?” I really didn’t get Chaerin’s explanation and she seemed to understand my confusion but she just shrugged. I guessed the man just want to do something good.

“Maybe he did a big sin and being a volunteer is his way to redeem himself. I don’t know. But Oppa, I caught a glimpse of him and he just has this chiseled jawline! You know that I like a man with strong jawline, right?” She tugged my coat and slightly jumping like a child. “Ahhhh! How I wish that he will come here as early as possible!”

I turned my head and showed her my jawline. “I think I have a good jawline, too. My long neck is also my plus point. Don’t forget my nose, you know,  _my big nose_.” I emphasized the words ‘my big nose’ and tapped my nose with my forefinger.

Chaerin scrunched her nose in disgust. “If only you weren’t  my cousin and important person in the children’s ward, I would’ve sunk my fangs into the flesh on your neck, slit your stomach with a knife and cut your ‘junior’ down there, Oppa. Basically, I want to kill you right now.”

“It’s not junior, my lady, it’s a big boy. Big like my nose.” I shook my head like a snake and she just turn around and walked away in disgust.

I laughed then following her to the nurse station to start my job. I saw my schedules on my agenda; I had to visit some patients and then stay in the examination room for new patients. Seeing the list, another busy day had come.

***

 

I took a deep breath upon exiting the examination room. Finally, I could take a break from the busy schedule. While walking to the cafeteria, I heard children's’ laughter; which had been so rare after the last volunteer decided to end her work in the children’s ward to finish her studies. Smiling to the angelic melody, I danced my way to the playroom, deciding to stop by before eating my meal.

The sound of laughter became clearer and I could hear another scream – not a scream of fear, but it was a scream of happiness, if I could say. I peeked from the unlocked door to see what happened in the playroom. Some kids without IV tube with them were gathering onto someone’s back and screaming while the other with IV tube were smiling in jealousy.  _Ah, maybe it was the person Chaerin told me._ Other kids were tugging his trousers, begging to have a chance being piggybacked. Somehow, the corners of my lips arched up upon seeing the happy kids.

I decided to enter the playroom to see who the pitableman was. I quietly join the kids who sat afar from the commotion.

“Aerin-ah,” I called one of the kids. “What is happening now?”

The girl smiled and slightly bowed to me. “Mr. Doctor!” She hugged me and positioned herself on my lap. “It’s Mr.  _Chirekseu_. The boys are so happy because Mr.  _Chirekseu_  allows them to climb on his back.” She pointed to the man. “I also want a piggyback…” She lowered her head.

“ _Chirekseu_? What is that Aerin-ah?”

“The animal in that book, Mr. Doctor!” Aerin pointed to the story book that was laid on the floor.  _Jurassic Park._

“Ah, T-Rex?” I said.

She nodded frantically. “Yes, that!”

Then the commotion stopped. A head then appeared from the bunch. He gasped for air and growled.

“Aaauuuhh!”

The hair on my body stood up upon hearing the deep growling sound. I hugged Aerin, who was still sat on my lap, tightly. She craned up her head and looked at me with a questioning look. The kids screamed louder, thinking that the growl was a part of his acting. Slowly but surely, the man looked towards the sitting audience; which I belonged to. His glasses almost fell from his nose and the kids still tugged him. My breath hitched. With a weak voice, I called his name.

“Seunghyun-ssi?”


	5. Chapter 5

The laughter seemed to fade away in background as our gaze met. The kids were scrambled over him, trying to get his attention. He was a mess - his hair was ruffled, his glasses almost fall from his nose and his shirt was crumpled. He gave me a weak smile when he realized that he finally met a person he knew. Without saying a word, his eyes sent me a plea; wanting me to save him from little devils who surrounded him.

“Would you—” He lift up two little boys and hugged them as he walked towards me. But some kids tugging his trousers and he kind of dragging his way to me. “Would you please help me, Daesung-ssi?”

I shook my head in amazement and helping Aerin to stand up first before I clapped my hand to get the kids’ attention.

“Yo kids!” I raised my tone slightly. The kids immediately turned their head to me.

“Mr. Doctooooor!!” Now the kids ran to me and freed Seunghyun. The boys who were in his embrace wriggled and Seunghyun put them to stand on the floor. As soon as their feet touched the ground, they followed the other kids to hug me.

“Mr. Doctor!” a girl greeted me and I squatted.

“Yes, Sanghee-ya?”

“There! There!” She pointed at Seunghyun. “Mr.  _Chirekseu_! He’s supposed to be all terrifying but we got Mr.  _Chirekseu_  down togetherrr!! YAAAAYY!!” She raised her hands up in the air.

“You know, Mr. Doctor. As the book said we can win if we uniiite!” I looked at the other voice –Jinhwan. I caressed his hair.

“Yes, sweetie, you can win if you unite. But don’t you feel pity for Mr. T-Rex there? See?” The kids turned their head to see Seunghyun. He was better; he had fixed his appearance. He took of his glasses and I could clearly stared at his orbs.

“No. I don’t feel anything.” Jinhwan’s voice snapped me back into reality. “Mr. T-Rex there deserved it.”

“He’s a mess after you destroy him. Don’t you want to hug him?”

“No.” Jinhwan replied me shortly and walked away.

I chuckled at Jinhwan’s behavior. The kids now left the playroom as the nurse called them to go back to their respective room. It’s nearing their medication time anyway. I stood up and took out my phone to see the time. I had fifteen minutes more before going back to work.

“Daesung-ssi?” he called me.

I didn’t answer him and gesturing him to go out from the playroom. He took his coat from the hanger and followed me. I observed his attire; he was still on his formal wear and his necktie popped out from his pocket. He must came straight from his work. Thanks to his long legs, he could easily catch my step, although I left him behind. He didn’t say anything and just followed me.

“Thank you for the coffee, by the way.” I said to break the silence.

“Uhm. Yeah.”

“But you don’t have to do that. I hate that kind of act.” I said sternly.

He immediately stopped walking and put his hands into the pockets on his coat. His eyes were full of question marks and maybe he was confused that I acted like this.

“Because I really want to help Yeonjun and I’m not taking any advantages from you. Besides…” I gulped. “I owe you a lot after last night…” I turned my head so he couldn’t see the sudden changes in my face that I betted was slightly red.

He came to me and patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry if you don’t like if I behave like this, but Daesung-ssi, it’s not about Yeonjun anymore. It’s for my own pleasure.”

 _For his own pleasure?_  I knitted my eyebrow in confusion. “What does it mean?”

“I mean, ehm—” He looked anywhere but my eyes, trying to find words to finish his sentence, maybe? “I mean, ehm. I want to treat you. Just because.”

I nodded as if I was satisfied with his answer, although it triggered more questions in my head. I continued to walk to the cafeteria and he did the same. I bought two sandwiches and two canned coffee.

“You must be so tired after playing with them, Mr.  _Chirekseu_.” I handed the coffee and sandwich to Seunghyun.

“Thank you. I wonder how you can survive working with that monstrosity. It’s like one hundred Yeonjun were there.” He said while took the sandwich and ate it fast, as if he would be dead if he didn’t eat it. While munching the last bite he tried to open the canned coffee, but his hand were trembling. I opened my own coffee and changed the one on his hand with the opened one.

“Drink this.”

He turned his head and gulped the coffee slowly. His adam’s apple moved up and down as he drank. Suddenly I couldn’t eat my own sandwich because the sudden dizziness.

“Ah… Thank you so much for opening the can for me. I hate to say this but, opening the can is my weakness.”

I burst a laugh when I heard the confession. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Seunghyun-ssi.”

“That’s right anyway. Because of that, I never bought canned food and beverages” He raised his hands in front of his face and stared at his own fingers. “I think that there’s something wrong with my fingers.”

I tilted my head and staring at his fingers. He has long and thin fingers and the nails were beautifully groomed.  _It’s beautiful, like the owner of the hands._  I peeked at him through the space between his fingers. His dark brown eyes are equally beautiful with his hands. The bridge of his nose is well-defined, different from mine that has a bump. His lips—

“Daesung-ssi?”

“Ah-?”

“I need to go home first, I said.”

“Ah, yeah.” I bowed.  _Did he catch me staring at him?_

He stood up and took a look to his watch. “What time will you finish your shift?”

“I think if there’s nothing emergency I will finish my shift at twelve. Why?”

“Nothing. Maybe I want to call you.”

“Yeah. Actually I really have so many question for you, Seunghyun-ssi.” I nodded. “For example, how did you end up in this children’s ward.”

“A long story. We need two bottles of wine when I tell you everything.” He huffed a soft laugh.

“So you can get me drunk again?”

“Oh, I looove the drunken Daesung.” He rolled his eyes in amazement. “So clingy and cute. I can’t believe you’re the same person with the one I met last night.”

I gritted my teeth, couldn’t take the feeling of embarrassment. I lowered my head and stomping my feet on the floor.  _This will be a lifetime joke material for him_ , _unless I get my revenge._

“You don’t have toooo cryyy~~  _Uljimarayoooo_.” He sang a famous line from Noel.

My ears stood up like a rabbit when I heard the lyric. “Oh, you know that group also?”

He looked at me without saying anything to me who waited for his answers. Instead, he arched up one corner of his lips and waved his hands. “I have to go. Bye Daesung-ssi.”

I stood froze and tailing him with my eyes until his back disappeared.

_Am I just being stood up?_

***

 

For the next days, I didn’t find Seunghyun in the playroom on the children’s ward. I wanted to talk to the Head Nurse to get the information about Seunghyun’s schedule, but I never met her, not when my schedules were tight. I constantly moved between the ward, consulting room, operation room and it was just tiring. I could ask Chaerin for his schedule, but I didn’t want to hear her blabber-mouth yet.

Although it’s tiring, I had more energy intakes as I had one more person to cheer me up beside the stranger: Choi Seunghyun.

I took time to reply his message, but his text immediately came after few minutes waiting. It seemed that he always had his phone with him. I must thanked him, though. Because of that speed, I could focus to my work, without waiting his reply.

Just like today.

 

I only had few patients in the consulting room and there was no more patient for today. I took it as a chance to rest even for a while. I leaned my back while reading his texts.

From: Seunghyun Choi

**It’s rare that you replied to me fast. Is now your break time?**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_No. I’m still working, but there’s only a few patients and it’s only ten minutes left before I go to children’s ward. What are you doing?_ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Work, of course. Not slacking off like you.**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Said the person who always have a time to reply me fast._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**You just don’t know how it feels to wait for a single reply, Daesung-ssi.**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Pfftt…_ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Eiii. I’m being serious in here. I don’t want you to wait, so I reply to your text as soon as possible. Waiting is sucks.**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_I know. I know waiting is sucks._ **

 

 

“Doctor Kaaaang~” The door of consultation room was opened and I saw a face that I was familiar with. I immediately put my phone on my pocket.

“Yaa, Lee Chaerin! Knock before you enter!”

She scoffed. “Are you jerking off?”

“What? No!”

“That’s why I don’t have to knock.” She smiled. “By the way, I know you don’t have any patient left and I am on break so I came here. Do you hear the latest gossip?”

“I’m not into gossips.”

“Eiii… Liar!” She took a sit in front of me. “This is about the volunteer.”

I leaned forward and rested my arms onto the table. “I’m all ears.”

Chaerin snickered. “I know it. Anyhow, some people said that he is a CEO of a furniture company. One of the mother said that his husband working on that person’s company.”

“Aaaand?”

“You’re not surprised?” Chaerin leaned backwards upon seeing my reaction.

“Why should I?”

“Ah, right. Why should you anyway. BUT OPPA! GEEZ HE’S HANDSOME AS FFFUUUCCKK!” She suddenly shouted and I had to cover her mouth.

“Chaerin! Language! Someone who heard you shouted like that must think that I’m fucking you in this room!”

“Ewww!” She scrunched her nose in disgust. “But Oppa. Is he married already? I saw no ring on his fingers though. I wish I can get his contact.” She sighed.

“What will you do after getting his contact?”

“Seduce him! Fuck him! Drain his money! Make him write a will for me and then kill him!”

I massaged my temple. “I wonder how you ended up became a nurse, Chaerin, with that dirty mouth of yours.”

“I’m a good girl, Oppa. Plus I have a good brain too. You know that.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

“The only thing I don’t have is boyfriend.”

“Me too.” I sighed.

“WHAT?” She shouted again. “What did you say, Oppa?”

“I said that I don’t have boyfriend too.” I slouched.

“I thought that you’re secretly married and chained your husband somewhere in that big apartment.”

“UGH!” I threw a pencil to the noisy girl. “Don’t watch too many soap opera!”

She dodged the pencil and giggled. “Anyway, your time is over here. Want to go to the cafeteria with me?”

“Maybe I should.” Then we went out from the room and walked together to the cafeteria.

As Chaerin talking non-stop about the handsome volunteer, the phone in my pocket kept vibrating.  _Who else sent me messages?_  I smiled as I saw the sender.

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Don’t forget to eat, Mr. Ducktor. You’re supposed to help sick people.**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_I know. I’m on my break and will have some snack before continuing my job. My cousin here rambling about you._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Your cousin? You have cousin who works on hospital too?**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_Yeah. She’s a nurse here. She doesn’t stop talking about you._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Do not talk bad about me!**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**_She’s basically praising you. : / Like you’re some kind of God._ **

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Oh, really? I want to meet her.**

 

I raised my eyebrows upon seeing the texting. I didn't like the idea of Seunghyun meeting Chaerin.  _That brat will glue herself to Seunghyun._ I shook my head and started to write a reply.

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**For what?**

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**I don’t know. Maybe hitting on her? Kkk**

 

I growled. I glared to my phone and then hissed. I didn’t like his reply. My thumbs froze at the screen; I didn’t know what to write.

“OPPA!”

I looked at Chaerin who was throwing a death glare to me.

“Are you even listening to me? You basically glue your eyes on the screen and I hate that. Dammit, Oppa!”

I playfully hit her head. “Ugh! If only I can duct-tape your foul mouth.”

“Who are you texting, huh?”

“Secret.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you.”

“Fuck off.” She wailed her hands.

I laughed at her reaction.  _If only you know who is the person I’m texting with…_

***

 

Seoul was surprisingly warm compared to the other day when I had to come to the hospital for my morning shift. The sun was giving its warmth; its ray went through the reddening leaves. I purposely stepped on the leaves that were on the ground, making cracks sound as I walked. As usual I went to the café before going to work. But then before entering the café, my eyes caught a very familiar figure that sitting on my favorite seat; window seat. His eyes were set on the laptop, while some time he elegantly sipped his drink. The window made the sight of him like it was a picture framed on the wall.

I walked to the window and knocked the glass. He turned his head to me and waving his hands eagerly, gesturing me to come and join him inside. I ordered my usual latte and came towards Seunghyun.

“Good morning, Seunghyun-ssi.”

“Morning, Daesung-ssi.”

“How are you?” I smiled to him. It’s a cliché question actually – I didn’t have to ask him that question; I texted him a lot the night before.

“I’m very fine, Daesung-ssi. I hope you’re the same.” He smiled while fixing his glasses. The black frame suited his face very well and Seunghoon was right: it added more points for his appearance.

“Thank you.” I replied. “May I sit in here?”

“Of course.”

I took a chair in front of him and sat comfortably. He started to tidying up the table; closing his laptop and made the scattered papers into a bundle then put them into his briefcase.

“Ah, sorry if I bother you. If you want to continue what you’re doing, it’s fine with me.”

“No, Daesung-ssi. It’s almost eight anyway. I have to go to work too.”

 

_He’s a CEO of a furniture company._

 

Suddenly Chaerin’s words were ringing in my head and a question suddenly popped.

“Seunghyun-ssi, sorry but… May I ask you something?”

“Go on.”

“I mean, we text a lot but I don’t know what do you do for a living.”

He smiled to me, as if he wanted to buy some time before answering me question. “Why? Are you curious about what I do for living?”

“Yeah. I mean, you know what I do for living…”

He leaned forward and put a serious face. He curled his fore finger, wanting me to come closer. He looked around before saying something, as if he didn't want people to hear what he said. With a low voice he whispered, “I am a leader of mafia.”

Narrowing my brows, I tilted my head, didn’t understand what he wanted to imply.

“I. Am. A. Mafia. Leader.” He repeated.

I stayed quiet for a while, trying to grasp whatever he wanted to say. Then he leaned backwards and laughed.

“HAHAHAHA! Daesung-ssi! Skies! You have to see yourself!”

 _Shit. I’ve been deceived._  I pouted my lips and crossed my hands on my chest. “Funny.” I said sternly.

He wiped the tears that escaped his eyes. Between the laugh, he made an effort to say, “Daesung-ssi, don’t do that. Do not pouting your lips please. It’s too funny.”

“If you just tell me the answer of my question…”

Seunghyun managed his breath first. But before he answered my question, the barista called my name.

“Ah, I have to go.” I stood up and slightly bowed to him.

“Where are you going?”

“To that bus stop.” He pointed the nearest bus stop visible from the café. “We go to the same direction, actually.”

I nodded and went to take my order, while he waited for me outside the café. Seeing that someone waited for me outside the café made the butterflies fluttering their wings in my stomach. I didn’t remember when the last time I felt something like this, but I liked the feeling.

I walked slower than usual and he seemed okay with that. He didn’t walk behind me like the last time at the hospital and it make me feel happy inside. For a while, we were just walking in quietness.

“I work in a furniture company.” He said to break the silence.

 _I already knew that fact from Chaerin. Tell me more!_ I screamed in my head.

“I love furniture, that’s why I work there.”

“Are you sure that you’re not a mafia, hiding his identity by working in a furniture company?”

He suddenly head-locking me. “YOU! I tried to be serious in here but you made fun of me! You, brat!”

The sudden skin-ship made my body jolted. I wriggled to break free from the head lock. “YOU? We haven’t reach an agreement to speak comfortably?”

“Then let’s speak comfortably! I’m 35 years old. I believe I’m a hyung for you.”

I snickered. “Yeah…”

“Call me Hyung!”

“Seung…  _hyung_ —”  _Why is it hard to call someone ‘Hyung’?_

“Seung. Hyun. Hyung! Once more!”

I rolled my eyes upon seeing his behavior. His tone was somewhat childish but still commanding. “Seunghyun Hyung…” I said almost whispering.

“I can’t hear you, Daesung-ah.” He smiled to me and his voice was somewhat soft.

 _Daesung-ah._   _Why did it sound so good in my ear? What do they call it? Ear candy? But why it pricked my heart as he called me ‘Daesung-ah’? Is it because the one who call me ‘Daesung-ah’ with a soft voice is only Jiyong Hyung_? The mere of thinking about Jiyong Hyung made my heart squeezed and I hated the smothering feeling.

“Daesung-ah?” He waved his hand in front of my eyes.

All of a sudden, tears flowed from my eyes. But I quickly wiped it from my face.

“Why are you crying?”

I shook my head. “No it’s nothing.” I forced a smile into my face to hide my feeling. “I think I have to go now, Seunghyun… Hyung.” I bowed to him and ran from him. I could hear him calling my name again and again, but I still ran.

I hate this feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

Autumn night is like a training time for the people that want to survive the winter. People add more layers into their outfit, or they will put one thick attire to endure the coldness. One more thing, it is also a matter of choice: to be fashionable and freezing, or to be warm and comfortable in a thick layer of outfit.

And the lady beside me chose to be a fashionable one.

I really didn’t understand Chaerin as she seemed freezing because she only wore some kind of mini dress. It was a navy blue one and above the knees; I guessed she wanted to show off her nice legs. Despite wearing a legging, I didn’t think it was warm enough for her.  _Why don’t you wear something comfortable, huh?_

“YAISHHIII OPPAA!! Come closer!!!” Chaerin hooked her arms into mine, forcing me to get closer to her. She practically rubbed her body to mine to get the warmth from my body.

“ISHHIII?? Don’t you dare to use curse words to Oppa!” I pushed her head with my forefinger and she whimpered. “Who told you to wear this—” I moved my forefinger up and down, pointing at her outfit now. “This kind of clothes?”

She gave me an unusual wide grin, as if she was caught doing something bad and wanted to hide the evidences. Chaerin tilted her head slightly to the right. I snickered upon seeing that gesture.  _She will bomb me with_ aegyo. “Where else I can wear this kind of clothes,  _Oppaaangg_.” She sneakily snuggled closer to me.

“It’s for summer! Look it’s a thin one piece, Chaerin-ah. Geezzz!”

“The seller said that this is from Fall/Winter collection.” She tugged her clothes to make sure the thickness. “It’s too thick for summer and too thin for winter, Oppa! So I wear it on autumn.” She pouted her mouth when she saw I gritted my teeth.

Shaking my head, I then took off my coat and put it around Chaerin’s body. When my hands slightly brushed her arms, the coldness even made me shiver.  _How could she endure the coldness before I gave her my coat?_  “There you are.” I patted her shoulder. “Warm?”

“Ah! Oppa is the best!” She said while raising her two thumbs.

“Oppa knows that too.”

“Whatever. But thank you, though, Oppa.” She hooked her hand again.

“Where are we going, actually?”

“Going to eat dinner. I told you before, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but why? I really am suspicious with you because the last time you said ‘going to eat dinner’ was the time I had to suppress my anger to—” She grinned again before I finished my sentence and the little voice in my head went ‘uh-oh’ upon seeing her teeth. “No. No. No. NOOOO!!” I shouted to her and tried to release myself from her arms.

“EIIII! OPPAA!!” Chaerin tightened the hook in my arms

“No wonder you dressed like this!” I stopped trying to release myself. “Explain to me!”

“I swear, Oppa. At first I really wanted to ask you to dinner because I saw you were no in a good mood lately. I was asking anyone I met for restaurant recommendation and then…” she giggled uncontrollably, “…I met Dr. Song!”

“Dr. Song as in Dr. Song Mino?”

“Yep.”

“That resident?”

“Yep.”

“That person who was in the first rank for ‘the best face’ in nurses’ list before that volunteer came?”

“Yahoy!”

“Then, based on the previous experiences of mine, you’ll met him at the restaurant and I, again and again, will be your third wheel for tonight?”

She nodded her head. "Yep."

“F—” I gulped the curse word as I remembered Chaerin’s foul mouth.  _I don’t want to be a bad example._  “Fine!” I finally said.

She had this mischievous look on her eyes and with her elbow, she hit me playfully. “I know you want to say curse words, Oppa.”

“You know that I won’t say curse words in front of you.”

“I know.” She smiled. “You’re a perfect Oppa anyway.”

We continued to walk while she still put her arms around mine. “Why do you drag me into your date, Chaerin-ah?”

“As I told you, Oppa, I was about to take you to dinner tonight. But as I asked Dr. Song –only for fun actually because I had decided my choice before I met him- and he insisted this restaurant when he heard my intention. He said that he wanted to meet you also. I guess it is win-win-win solution for us?”

“What is that ‘win-win-win’ solution?”

“You win, because I will treat you. He wins because he wants to meet you and he will get it. And last, I win because I get to have dinner with Dr. Song!”

I breathed a heavy sigh. “I am speechless.”

“Well. It’s your favorite food, actually.” She let my arms go. “Seafood and lots of sashimi. Yum!” She licked her lips deliciously.

My adam’s apple moved up and down when I heard sashimi, and Chaerin noticed the movement. She scoffed and pretended to leave me. I grabbed her hands and she smirked.

“You cheap bastard, Oppa.”

“So is my dongsaeng.” She looked at me and laughed.

Then I clutched my arms around her arms. Full of cuteness, I spoke with a high pitched voice, “Oppaangg! Let’s _goooww_!”

She bent forward and laughed hard. Embracing my arms after the laughter storm, we continued to walk to the restaurant.

***

 

“Four servings of sashimi, two seafood jjampong and one seafood soup, please.” Chaerin said to the waitress. “Also two colas and one hot green tea. Right, Oppa?” She poked my arm and I nodded in agreement.

I glanced at the two person that continued to talk to each other and then I regretted my choice to accompany Chaerin. Obviously I couldn’t join their conversation as they had same taste in music when I was exactly the opposite of them. I took out my phone, but there was nothing in the screen; except my wallpaper.  _Jiyong Hyung._

It’s been a long time since I went somewhere with Jiyong Hyung and he didn’t call or text me either except occasionally. I let him doing that; it’s better for him to behave like I’m not exist, so I could slowly forget him. But every time his texts appeared in my screen, I couldn’t contain the joy in my heart. I would read his text hundred times, as if it was a treasure.

I kept coming back to the place where I shouldn’t be: the past.

_Am I really trying to forget him?_

I pressed the power button in my phone, just to see our teenage picture. Despite physically going older when every minute passed, my heart stayed at where I started to love him as a person, not as dongsaeng, whereas I didn’t know if he changed his heart.

‘ _Change his heart? What attempt did you do after the he rejected you? How many ‘runaways’ did you go? Did you even try to win Jiyong, Daesung?’_ the little voice in my head said.  _‘You’re not trying to forget, nor to get him. It’s just you and your imagination.’_

 _‘You should change that wallpaper in your phone first.’_  the voice added.

 

I opened my phone and pressed the ‘album’ icon. I scrolled down and saw a photo of trees at the park. Gold, red, orange; the colors became one in the picture. I set the photo as my wallpaper. Then I saw the detail of the picture. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was the day before I met Yeonjun and Seunghyun.  _Yeonjun, is he alright?_  He was just so cute with his red cheeks and thick jacket when I saw him. If I thought about that one more time, Seunghyun could report me to the police as I was a stranger who hugged his nephew, lifted him up and acted like I was Yeonjun’s guardian. But he—

_Seunghyun._

After that accident, I didn’t meet him anymore. It’s just his text that kept coming almost every day, but not as intense when I replied him back. Well, I did text him back, but his baritone voice when he called me ‘Daesung-ah’ kept ringing in my head and I hated that. It was always Jiyong’s Hyung voice in my head and I hated the fact that Jiyong Hyung’s was replaced by his voice.  _His deep voice._

The waiter’s voice and the sound of bells ringing - someone opened the door- took me away from my wandering mind. As I paid attention to the waiter who were busy to put out order at the table, I glanced to the door. Luckily, Dr. Song was sitting in front of Chaerin, so he didn’t block me from seeing the door and the person who coming to the restaurant.

The voice that replied to the waiter’s greeting had me set my ears – it’s the baritone voice that haunted me for this past few days. Suddenly my head ache at the thought of that person. But I refused to believe my hearing until I saw the person.

“Seunghyun Hyung…” I muttered his name and Chaerin heard that. She just looked at me with eyes full of confusion. I moved my eyeballs to the door, gesturing her to see the person who was coming to the restaurant.

“Wow. It’s the volunteer!” She said happily, making Dr. Song turned his body to see the person.

Seunghyun turned his head around upon hearing the loud voice. When he found me, he immediately raised his hand and waved to me – us, to be exact. Then the bells rang again; more people came and Seunghyun said something to them,  _maybe they are his colleagues._

Then his colleagues were guided by the waitress to another table while Seunghyun came to our table. Chaerin clenched his fingers onto my thigh when she realized that Seunghyun walked towards us.

“Hyung. Hello.”

Chaerin flew a secret slap to my thigh, her eyes demanding further explanation on how I could address Seunghyun as Hyung instead of Seunghyun-ssi. After that, Dr. Song and Chaerin bowed to him also.

“Hello, Daesung-ah.” I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat after hearing my name being called by him. He casually put his palm into my shoulder. “Hello to—” He reached out his hand to shake Chaerin’s and Dr. Song’s hands.

“Lee Chaerin. Nice to meet you.” Chaerin pitched in, followed by Dr. Song.

“Song Mino. Nice to meet you.”

He smiled to them.  _Ah, those hollowed cheeks._  “I’m Choi Seunghyun and I—”

“You’re the volunteer at our hospital!” Chaerin cut his sentence.

He then showed off his dimples again. “Yeah. I am volunteering at the hospital. But lately I was so busy that I couldn’t go to the children’s ward as scheduled before.” He patted my shoulder and looked at me. “You often go to this restaurant, Daesung-ah?”

“No, it’s our first time being in here.” Chaerin said and I was left slightly opening my mouth because of the unsaid words.

“Ah, I see. Then, enjoy your meal. I don’t want to bother you further.” He slightly bowed to us and said his goodbye. “Bye!”

“Bye!” I said while waving my hand slightly, but the girl beside me was waving her hands eagerly. I saw Dr. Song’s eyes widened when he saw Chaerin’s over-reaction for Seunghyun.

After we couldn’t see his back anymore, Chaerin threw me a look ‘you should explain more’ to me. I just shrugged and began to take the sashimi using my chopsticks. While chewing the sashimi, I only poked my rice with my chopsticks out of boredom.

_I want to talk more with Seunghyun Hyung, but he’s busy._

I wanted to explain why I was running away that day, but I didn’t know how and what to explain. Yes, he already know that I was rejected by Jiyong Hyung, but I didn’t want him to feel pity towards me.  _I want him…_

_I want him, to do what?_

_Why do I feel like I have to explain things to him?_

 

The vibration on my pocket forced me to fish it out. My thumbs slid the screen after I saw the sender.  _He was just here a moment ago and he sent me text?_

 

From: Seunghyun Choi.

**Are you wearing another layer or you only put that sweater on you, Daesung-ah?**

 

Puzzled at his question, I looked at my own sweater and then answered his text.

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**I have my coat with me, but Chaerin is wearing it. Why?**

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Nevermind. Just be careful and don’t catch a cold.**

 

Smiling to the text, I was delighted that he sent something to show his care. While slightly stomping my feet to the floor, I danced my thumbs on my phone screen.

 

To: Seunghyun Choi.

**Yes, Hyung.**

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Alright ^^ Talk and see you soon :)**

 

 _Talk and see you soon?_  My thumbs froze on the screen, not liking the idea of him stopping the text time with me. He would have his dinner with his colleagues – I could see that- but I was bored. Chaerin was talking to Dr. Song all the time and all I could do was sit and hear them talking. I was about to put my phone on the table, decided not to reply his last text. But as soon as it touched the table, it vibrated.

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Don’t pout. You don’t want to have wrinkles in your face.**

 

 _How did he know that I was pouting?_ Craning my head, I looked around the restaurant to see where he was sitting. Not far from my seat, I could see brunette hair and the chiseled jawline of him – he was staring at his phone. Maybe he realized that I was staring at him; he turned his head for a moment and smiled to me before going back to do something to his phone.

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Smile ^_________^**

 

I read his text and immediately my lips breaking into a smile. For a moment, I only knocked my thumbs on the screen, not knowing what to write. But eventually I sent something.

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**:) have a delicious dinner, Hyung.**

 

From: Seunghyun Choi

**Let’s have another dinner together next time. Without alcohol. I promise ;)**

 

To: Seunghyun Choi

**Well, next time.**

 

After replying, I grasped the phone tightly because I couldn’t contain this happy feeling. I wanted to squeal or even hit Chaerin upon reading his text, but I could only giggle Chaerin saw me and she looked at me as if I was a crazy person.

_Maybe I am._

***

 

It was a good Sunday for me. I was woken up with a text from the stranger again, which was slightly surprised me because I found myself wasn’t waiting for the stranger’s text anymore; it was Seunghyun Hyung’s text that I waited for. He just texted me a short one: ‘have a good Sunday’. Slowly but sure, the stranger’s texts became shorter and shorter, as if he didn’t have any patience left because I have never replied to his text. I guessed patience also has its limit anyway.

There would be a free meal event for the homeless people at the church and I took a part in it. It was not my usual schedule, because I always went to the church at evening when I finished my morning shift. Even though it wasn’t my usual schedule and I didn’t know half of the people there, they still appreciate my help. The pre-teenagers at orphanage nearby were there to help the aunty to prepare the meals. I was delighted to see the sight of people caring to each other. The meals was hearty and the people were friendly. After serving the people, I decided to sit and played with one of the kid. I was busy laughing with the kid on my lap until I heard someone called me.

“Sir, may I get one bowl of the soup?”

I immediately put the kids down and stood up to serve the person. I was taking a plastic bowl and about to ask him whether he wanted red pepper on his soup until I realized the face.

“You?” I pointed my hand at him, but I regretted my rude behavior and put my palm to cover my mouth.

“You? How rude.” He acted like he was offended by my word by putting his hands on his hips. But the smile after made me relieved. “I told you to call me Hyung.”

I slightly bowed to apologize to him. “Yes, Hyung.” The word ‘hyung’ now could easily slip through my tongue compared to the last time and I became more relaxed to call him hyung. I smiled back to him.

“One bowl please. Without the red pepper.”

In hurry, I prepared the soup for him. After he got his soup, I thought that he would stay with me or maybe talking to me more, but he didn’t. Instead he went to blend with the aunties, uncles at the tables. The kids immediately surrounded him. The wave of déjà vu washed over me.  _I know this._  He was also surrounded by the kids before at hospital and the kids were happy to see him.

All of a sudden, jealousy took over my head. It was supposed to be me that children love to play with. I made sure that I wasn’t neglecting the food stand before I went to ask about Seunghyun Hyung to an aunty near me.

“Aunty Moon, do you know that person who was talking with Uncle Jae?” I asked her with a gentle voice, as if I didn’t want anyone to hear me.

“Oh?” She gasped. “You don’t know him?”

I grinned. ‘ _I know him, but… Why is he here?’_  I wanted to ask that, but I was afraid that Aunty Moon would hit my head at the silly question. I shook my head as the answer to her.

“He always goes to the church in the morning and helps us with this kind of event. But when I informed him about today’s event, he said that he would be busy in the morning and couldn’t help with the preparation. He is a kind person. His name is Choi Seunghyun.”

I mouthed an ‘o’ while staring at his back.

“He’s handsome, isn’t he? I wonder if he has girlfriend. Too bad that my daughter has married to my son in law. If she hasn’t, I definitely would match him with my daughter.”

I nodded my head as a response.

“Of course you don’t know him. You always go to the church at evening and the kids aren’t familiar with you. See there, Daesung-ah, the kids will glue to him all the time until the nuns have to separate them from Seunghyun-ie. If only Seunghyun didn’t spoil them with the toys…”

I chuckled upon hearing ‘Seunghyun-ie’ because it sounded cute to my ears.  _Hyunnie Hyung._  I giggled inwardly at the thought of calling him ‘Hyunnie Hyung’.

“Why don’t you get to know him?”

“Well…” I scratched my head even it wasn’t itchy. “Maybe later, Aunty.”

*

It was nearing lunch time when the people finished tidying up the food stand. I didn’t catch a glimpse of Seunghyun Hyung after the last time I saw him with the kids. I had to eavesdrop to get information about his whereabouts and one of the aunty said that he was playing with the kids at the park nearby. I guessed he loved children so much because he was always glued to the kids.

I was just finished to stack up the last chair when someone tugged my coat. A kids was smiling to me and reached out his hands; he was holding a folded paper.

“For you.”

I took the paper and he ran away before I said thank you to him. Opening the paper slowly, I found my heart beating faster than usual – it’s like opening a present for Christmas.

 

_Have a lunch date with me?_

 

I looked around to search for the sender. I knew very well this handwriting; it was the same handwriting as the notes he wrote for me when I was drunk. Then I found a man stood not far from me, arching the corners of his mouth and put his hands on the pocket of his trousers. He was sending a silent question for me by slightly tilting his head as if he wanted my answers.

I walked towards him.

His smile became even wider.


	7. Chapter 7

There was no need to argue about where to go for lunch. Seunghyun Hyung knew where to go but he didn’t tell me our destination. He said that it was near Itaewon and upon hearing the area where I was born, I was immediately in high spirits. During the trip to there, we were happily talking about anything. But, I really wanted to apologize to him; I shouldn’t run away just like that. But he didn’t say anything and I guessed I would search for the right time to apologize.

 

We entered a quite luxurious restaurant. The waitresses slightly bowed, showed us the table and guided us to choose the lunch set they had for that day. I saw the list of foods on the menus, but I just couldn’t choose between the Korean set and Seafood set. Bibimbap was sure delicious, but halibut fish was raising its fins for me to choose it.

“Daesung-ah, hurry up. They are waiting.” Seunghyun Hyung whispered to me.

“Seafood set for me, Hyung.”

“Fine.” He looked at the waitress and told her our order. “One seafood set and one Korean set.”

“Do you wish to have additional drinks, Sir?”

His eyes threw a question for me but I shook my head because I didn’t wish for any additional drink.  _Maybe tea will do, but—_

“Two ice green tea.” Seunghyun Hyung said to the waitress. She nodded and excused herself.

 _Did he just read my mind?_  I scanned his face, searching for any evidence that he was reading my mind before. “Hyung.” I called him.

“What?”

“Are you—”  _Are you a mind-reader?_  “Nevermind.”

He moved his eyebrows closer, giving the impression of confusion on his face as he heard my unfinished question. But eventually he just ignored it. He was about to take something from his coat when a tall man came out from nowhere and patted Seunghyun Hyung’s shoulder.

“Hello, Seunghyun. Long time no see.”

Seunghyun Hyung’s eyes almost fell from its sockets upon seeing the man. “Hyunjoong? What are you doing in here?”

“Eating lunch?” The man sneered. “New prey,  _Hyunnie_?” The man emphasized the word ‘hyunnie’ and looking devilishly at me. “Not bad for and old man like you.”

Seunghyun Hyung shoved a punch on his stomach and the man could only bend his body forward. “Fuck you, Hyunjoong. Go away if you just want to speak rubbish here.”

The man laughed, but he opened his arms gesturing Seunghyun Hyung to stand up and hug him. They hugged each other and the man patted his back. “I miss you. Where have you been?”

“I should have asked the same question for you.” Seunghyun Hyung said while looking at the man. _What is his name again? Hyungjoon? Hyunjoong?_

Rage suddenly washed over my body and my fingers curled up into a fist under the table. They were so close and by seeing their closeness, the person seemed to be Seunghyun Hyung’s old friend. I observed the man as he was talking to Seunghyun Hyung. He was like a man that came out from  _manhwa_ : tall and had a nice posture, not to mention that he had a good fashion sense. He gave this prince-ish aura and I could smell his perfume even there was some distance between us.

They were talking happily and it seemed there were a lot to catch up with. Slowly but sure, I searched for my phone in my coat to distract me from the boredom.

“So, how long you’ve been meeting this Hyunnie here?” I craned my head to look at the owner of the voice and smiled – a forced one. It was not like he had introduced himself and he acted like he was my friend. “Oh, I am sorry. I should introduce myself.” He reached out his hand. “My name is Kim Hyunjoong and I am Hyunnie’s wingman if he needs someone to talk in the club.” Then he huffed a laugh after finishing his own sentences.

I took his hand and shook it. “I’m Kang Daesung. I’m—”  _I, what?_ I gulped while trying to buy time to search the appropriate label for this relationship. “I’m Seunghyun Hyung’s friend.”  _Right, friend._

“Oh, I’m sure that it won’t be long until Seunghyun invades your mind and that ‘friend’ title change to a more intimate one. Once he sets his eyes for his prey, you can’t go away.” He winked to me. “Oh by the way, what number is he, Hyunnie? Is he the forty first or what? I lost count.”

My eyes getting bigger upon hearing the number and that Hyunjoong laughed his heart out. Seunghyun Hyung was taken aback and confused, but at the end he kicked Hyunjoong’s shin. “Fuck you, Hyunjoong. You said that you’re my wingman but you ended up dropping down my price at the market!”

Seunghyun Hyung pushed him away with his foot and Hyunjoong just laughed while making his way to the kitchen. Seunghyun Hyung finally sat again and wiped his temple with a handkerchief, while his eyes tailing Hyunjoong, making sure that he was away from us.

“That son of a bitch!” I heard his breath hitched after saying the curse words, still looking at the direction where Hyunjoong disappeared. “His timing is always good! I don’t know why he always destroys my happiness when we meet each other. UGH!”

“But I envy you.” I smiled and leaned to the backrest of the chair. “You must be in a good relationship with him that you can easily kick him in the ass like that, Hyung.”

He took a while to process my words. “He is a good friend and also a good enemy. We have been friends since the first year of university and still going strong.” Seunghyun smiled, not to me; he was looking at the table, as if he was thinking about something. “But, please Daesung-ah. Don’t believe whatever came through his mouth. You’re not my forty first—” I saw his adam’s apple moving up and down. “I mean, there’s not even a list about my prey—” He curled up his fingers into a fist. “I mean—”

I chuckled upon seeing him confused like that.  _What is he trying to say?_  I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hands, ready to hear more about his explanation. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself before saying something to me.

“What I’m trying to say is: I have never had that kind of list and he just made up something about it. Yes I’ve been in a relationship before and he knew that. But really, I’m not playboy.” He looked deeply into my eyes, signifying his seriousness, but I couldn’t help laughing at his expression.

“Hyung!” I called him after seeing he looked at me in confusion. “You’re so funny. You even don’t need to explain something to me.”

“But I feel like I need to, though…” He lowered his head. “I don’t want you to get the wrong impression at me…”

I played with my own fingers, didn’t know how to react.  _Why does he even have to show me good impression?_ We were in silence for a while, trying to untangle anything in our mind, until the waitress came and break the tense air between us. But then, after the food came, we were still busy with our minds. During eating, I couldn’t focus at the taste of the fish, even though seafood was my favorite food. I ended up taking glances to the man in front of me - how his cheeks moving when he munched the food, when he closed his eyes to enjoy the food and how he wiped his thin lips with the napkin.  _What the hell, Daesung? Are you some kind of a creep?_

I tried to finish my food fast, so I could prevent myself to stare longer at Seunghyun Hyung. He also almost finished his lunch and I was glad to see that.

“Hyung, actually I have something in my mind.” I said after munching the last food in front of me.

He immediately put his spoon beside the empty  _dolsot_  and set his eyes on me after drinking his tea while lacing his fingers together. He was ready to hear anything that slipped out from my mouth; he also showed off the cute dimples on his face. “I’m all ears.”

All of a sudden, I felt a lump appeared in my throat and I tried to swallow my own saliva to get rid of it. "I'm sorry that I ran away without saying anything that morning and thank you for not questioning me even after I acted rude to you."

"It's nothing, Daesung-ah. Something must bothering you so much that you had to shred tears. But it wasn't because you didn't want to call me Hyung, right?"

I shook my head. "No, Hyung. I'm happy that I got to call you Seunghyun Hyung." I smiled to him.

"And another one."

"Please." He nodded slightly to let me talk.

“Why do I feel like I always see you everywhere lately? I mean, I have never seen you before, but after the Yeonjun incident, your presence pops in my zone. You know, hospital, café, church…”

He bobbed his head, but didn’t say anything to me. I tilted my head and sent him telepathy to answer my question. “Ah, really? But actually your zone is my playground too. Maybe it’s you who didn’t realize my presence until we met at the park.”

I rolled my eyes, not satisfied with his answer. But eventually I stayed silent to let him continue the talk.

“You know, my apartment is not far from yours and I always drink coffee from that café. But, it is my assistant who usually grabs the coffee for me and for her too, then bring it to work. At that day, my assistant said to me that she couldn’t bring me coffee and I decided to buy it by myself.” He stopped to take some drink.

“Since the café near your apartment, I casually asked the barista whether you are a regular and he said yes. Lucky me, right?” He laughed.

“And lucky me too. Thank you for the coffee, Hyung.”

“No problem.”

“How about the hospital?”

He took his time to answer my question and I became impatient. He leaned back and then said, “I love to volunteer and someone told me that the children ward in the hospital where you work needed a volunteer to play piano and read the book for kids. So, yeah. You know the rest.”

Although his answer was convincing, there was a puzzle missing but I didn’t know what it was. I just let it go and took a drink from the table.

“Tell me something about you, Daesung-ah.” I throw a confused look to him upon hearing the sudden question. It wasn’t like he didn’t know anything about me. We texted almost every day and we chatted about everything.

“I think you know enough about me, Hyung. I like seafood—”

He cut me and started to rambling. “You like seafood and your favorite place is Hokkaido and Bali. You’re a sucker for romantic movie and avoid horror movies at all cost. Even though you like sea, sea creatures still frightening you. You love kids and prefer tea than coffee, actually. But you need more caffeine to wake you up, so you drink coffee anyway. Did I miss something?”

My jaw dropped in an awe. “Wow. I'm impressed.” I involuntarily clapped my hands.

“And last but not least,” he fished something from his pocket. “This one.” I saw something dangling from his hands and immediately shouted.

“DORAEMON!” I tried to catch the dangling heads of Doraemon – it was a keychain. Seunghyun Hyung pulled his hand back fast in a speed of lightning and laughed out loud upon seeing my reaction.

"You are crazy of Doraemon to the point that I could saw Doraemon almost everywhere in your apartment, hiding among the luxury furniture you have." He laughed again.

I immediately puckered my lips out of annoyance and he stopped laughing.

He looked intently into my eyes and said, “Don’t pout your lips in front of me, Daesung-ah. I think I told you before.” Then he gave me a weak smile. “Do you want this?”

I nodded my head furiously and gave him short answer to his question. “Yeah.”

Staring between the keychain and my face alternately, he muttered. “Promise me one thing.”

“I will do anything to get that keychain, Hyung. It is a limited edition keychain, isn’t it?” My eyes were set to the heads. “I’ve been searching it since last year but to no avail.”

“You’re not trying harder, Daesung-ah.” He snickered. “So, will you promise me one thing?”

“I will, if it does no harm for me.”

He cleared his throat before looking at me with a serious face. “Promise me that you will go to a date with me.”

“What?”

“Promise me that you will go to a date with me, Daesung-ah.”

“This whole doesn’t count as a date?” I twirled my forefinger to the air, gesturing the activity we were having: lunch.

“No. I mean like serious date. You and me, going somewhere and enjoy lunch or maybe dinner…” he hang his last sentence to the air.

“Okay. I will go with you.” I said without thinking it twice and his eyes widened. “Why? I told you I will do anything to get that keychain, Hyung.” I grinned.

“You’re not taking me seriously, are you?” He grasped the keychain tighter and his face changed into a sad expression; exactly the opposite of what I was feeling. My heart was beating faster than usual upon hearing his offer and it was hard for me to hide the excitement in my head.  _Is it because of the date invitation or the Doraemon keychain that I will get if I say yes?_

“No Hyung. I’m serious.”

“Really?” He looked at me, still trying to find some assurance that I wouldn’t lie to him. “How about Saturday?”

“I think Saturday is okay with me. Let me check my schedule first.” I took out my phone and checked the schedule. “I will be free at five in the evening.”

“It’s settled then. Saturday at six? So you have time to do make up.” He huffed a laugh and winked to me.

I also laughed with him, but then suddenly a mischievous idea crossed my mind. With a voice full of cutesy, I acted as if I was shy; the kind of cutesy I learned from Chaerin. “Ah~  _Opppaaaang._  Don’t say that~~ I will wear my best dress for you. Do you like mini dress or you like short pants more?”

Arching one of the corner of his lips upon hearing me, he said, “I prefer you not wearing anything and go straight to my bed  _Daesoon-ie._ ”

“Uww… Bad Oppa.” I playfully hit him on his arm and gave him a wink.

"So, Saturday night? I will gave the chain after I am sure that you're going to a date with me." He said after we calmed down.

I nodded as my answer. "Do I have to dress up or...?"

"A casual one would be nice." He said. "I can't wait, Daesung-ah. I really hope that I can jump straight to our date so you can tell me more about you." Seunghyun gave me a gentle smile, and I realized he was looking at me with the same eyes when we met at the park - a pair of eyes that longing for something. My heart skipped a beat.

_What's with the look, Seunghyun Hyung?_


	8. Chapter 8

From: xxstrangerxx (07:08 am)

**Are you happy today?**

 

To: xxstrangerxx (07.09 am)

**I don't know. There's still hours to go until the end of the day.**

 

Beep.

 

_Messages saved as draft_

_***_

 

Seoul was getting colder as the autumn reached its middle. More and more leaves fell from the branch and it made the road covered by autumn color: red, gold, orange; and it was beautiful. I was going back to my apartment with Chaerin while the trees showered us with its leaves. Actually, I dragged Chaerin from her apartment because I didn’t know what to wear to my date. I had chosen something, but if there was a second opinion –which was Chaerin’s- I might feel more comfortable. She was happily munching a coffee flavored bread –a bribery for her. I felt sorry for her because it was her holiday, but I knew very much that she would have spent her free time by binge watching dramas.

I pinched my cold nose to make it warmer.  _If autumn is this cold, will I survive winter?_  I shuddered at the mere thinking about winter’s harshness.  _If only I have someone to cuddle up with._  My snickers seemingly distracted Chaerin from munching the coffee bread. Still walking, she lingered her free arm on mine.

“Oppa. Why are you dragging me into your apartment?” Looking up to me, she showed a very curious face that might kill herself. I chuckled

“I told you that I have a date tonight.”

“I know that part. I mean, it’s unusual for you to call for my help,” She took the hot chocolate from my hand and drank it. “You have never told me about your date before. No scratch that. I even don’t know whether you had date before. I am happy that you have a date tonight, but I also feel sad.” She took the last bite of the bread in one big bite, making her cheek puffed.

“You know me, Chaerin. I have never in a relationship before.”

“Yeah I know you’ve never been in relationship. But I know what the reason is.” She said nonchalantly.

Looking at her, I abruptly stopped walking. “What?”

Chaerin stared at me thoroughly and huffed a heavy breath, “you told me once when you were drunk.” She hooked my arms again and pulled me so I walked beside her. “That you love Jiyong Oppa.”

I stopped walking again, but she harshly dragged me to keep going. All this time, I thought there were only two people who knew that I loved my childhood friend: Seunghyun and Taeyang; but they even didn’t know Jiyong Hyung’s name.  _But Chaerin knows._

If I wasn’t mistaken, Chaerin only met Jiyong Hyung for three or four times. The first one when Jiyong Hyung invited us to his showcase. I introduce Chaerin because she never meet Jiyong Hyung before. Spending his childhood abroad, she practically knew nothing but my face that was on pictures her mom had. Thus, she also didn’t know about Jiyong Hyung. But when we met after she went back to South Korea, she immediately attached to me, saying that she didn’t have any oppa and was eager to know me better. I remembered clearly that her small eyes were shining bright, made me thinking that she and I indeed shared same bloodlines. We were getting closer after working on the same hospital and same department and I could say we were together almost all the times.

Although Chaerin was noisy -which made her shared all her secrets to me- I couldn’t do the same. I preferred to keep things with myself because I was afraid that Chaerin would close her eyes when she knew that I was, different. But being observant she was, Chaerin guessed right about my sexual preference and she was okay with that.

I didn’t know how long we spent time in quietness, but then Chaerin decided to break the ice. “I think you spitted all, Oppa. After all, what I could do was waiting patiently to share some of your secrets to me. You know, you were being unfair Oppa. I shared my secrets, you know all the boys I tried to hook up with, but I don’t know you, Oppa. I only know the doctor in you, not a human being in you.”

At first, I was tensed upon hearing her, but she gave me warm smile as if she wanted to assure me that it was okay to share deepest secret to her. “What do you mean by ‘the doctor’ and ‘a human being’ in me, Chaerin-ah?”

“The doctor in you is a perfect embodiment of a son-in-law. I know you have broken some people’s hearts, Oppa, mainly the women in nurse station. And you were so oblivious at Nurse Kim’s attempt to seduce you. She practically threw her body to you, but you just ignored her.” Chaerin chuckled. “The human being in you, Oppa, is a person who supposed to be share his sadness, happiness, problem; but you always share good news to me, Oppa. You never shared about your… life!” She looked to a faraway sight as if she wanted to find suitable words for her feeling.

“I was suspicious when you look at Jiyong Oppa with those… Eyes. They were full of love and longing. You never looked at me like that. Yeah I know you love me but I know the difference when you look at me and when you look to Jiyong Oppa. I was hoping that you would share something to me, but apparently you didn’t. Until that night.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Too long to tell you what happened that night, but let me summarize my thought, Daesung-ie Oppa," she held my hands and looked into my eyes deeply. "I wish a best luck for your date tonight and please enjoy yourself. I think it’s time for you to find a new love instead of thinking about Jiyong Oppa over and over again.”

I freed myself from her arm which was hooking at my arm and then put my right hand to her hips. I pulled her closer and kissed her thick-long-black hair. “I know Chaerin-ah. I’m trying.”

Suddenly she stood in front of me and pulled me to a hug. “Oppa, I love you and I just wish that you will be happy.”

I could feel her sincere heart and I hugged her tight, too, as my gratitude for her. Even though Chaerin and I always bickered almost every day, deep down in my heart I always felt fond of her. She was a dongsaeng I’ve never had and I loved the way she secretly took care of me. “I love you too Chaerin-ah. Thank you. Thank you for understanding me and waiting for the right time to tell me that you know about Jiyong Hyung.”

She then pushed me back slowly. Fisting my sweater, she looked at me with a threatening look. “But really Oppa. Who is your date tonight?”

I laughed at her funny expression: eyebrows narrowed, almost touching each other and pouty mouth; but she grabbed my sweater tight as if she wanted to choke me if I didn’t tell her who my date was. “I told you, you will see my date by yourself. He will pick me up at my apartment. How about you?”

She put her arms around my hips and pushed me to walk. “I have my date too, actually. I don’t want to lose!”

Putting my hand around her shoulder, I asked her, “then why didn’t you wear something good for your date? Who is your date anyway?”

“Dr. Song!” She turned her face to me and smirking. “We will have the date in your apartment. Muahahahhahhaha. And Oppa, I don’t need any shirt. What’s important is behind this shirt.” She moved her body as if she was a dangerous snake, ready to graze her fangs to immobilize Dr. Song. But then I realized something.

“YAAA LEE CHAERIN, DON’T YOU DARE TO DO ANYTHING IN MY APARTMENT!!!”

She released herself from my embrace and ran away. After a safe distance from me, she stopped and turned back to face me. “There’s nothing such a free lunch and I, Lee Chaerin, have picked your apartment as my date place tonight!” She stuck her tongue out and then ran again.

_I guess I need to buy some disinfectant._

***

 

After excruciating Chaerin for quite a while, she finally chose a colorful sweater; with pink as its dominat color ( _‘It’s a good color to bring some romance in the air, besides there is no thing such as pink is only for female,’ she said while styling my hair.)_ and a khaki colored jeans which I strongly refused to wear, but at the end she succeeded to assure me that it suits my brunette hair.

“If he doesn’t fall in love with you, I guess he is a blind man.” She patted my shoulder and smiled after dolling me up. “Ah… I feel like a mom who will send his son to a prom. I want you to enjoy the date, but on the other side I don’t want you to go because there will be a wild night waiting for you.  _Uri Oppa,_  I’m proud of you.” She scanned my appearance from up to toe. “Perfect!”

I saw my reflection in the mirror. Chaerin indeed did a good job in choosing the perfect outfit for my date tonight, at least I didn’t feel that I was too eager for the date, but it was still good enough to show off my body shape. My lips arched up.  _Why did I agree to this date again?_  I looked around my room just to find a framed Doraemon hanging on the wall.  _Oh, yeah. That limited Doraemon keychain._

_Is that all?_

We were no strange to each other, in fact, I could say that he became my friend quite fast. He texted me every day to talk about anything and I could meet him at children’s ward or catch a glimpse of him when I didn’t have time to talk to him. He slowly invaded my head.

After the event at the church and when we were walking to the restaurant, he always took care of me. He would walk on the side where he could cover me from the shining sun, putting me inside his shadow. It had always been me who took care of other people. He taking my role and I being taking care of made my heart burst off out of happiness.  _Seunghyun Hyung._  He gave me the feel that I didn’t get from Jiyong Hyung.

_Feeling comfortable and being loved._

“Final touch!” Chaerin put something on my ears and giggled. Patting my back, her red lips broke into a smile, “well, show your wild side, Kang Daesung!”

I touched my earlobes and found earrings; it was a strange feeling to have something on my earlobes but after seeing myself wearing that, I kind of liked the earrings. “Are you sure that it suits me well?”

“Believe me, Oppa. It multiplies the seducing aura in you.” She nodded at her own statement.

 

I saw my watch and read that it was almost seven. Not long after, the bell was ringing and my heart almost jumped out from its cage. My heart was beating faster and I couldn’t breathe normally. I drew circles on my chest, but the feeling wasn’t better – I wanted to throw up.  _Why am I being like this?_

Chaerin dashed out from my door at lightning speed to find the person who knocked the door by looking at the intercom.

“Mino-ya!”

Upon hearing the name, I hit her head. “You little brat! I think it was only your joke to invite Dr. Song to my apartment!”

She grinned, “No Oppa. My apartment is in a mess and knowing that you have your date tonight, I decided to have a date in your apartment. You won’t come home anyway. ‘Sides, you have a lot food in your kitchen. You’re like a squirrel that prepares foods to survive in cold winter!” She then ran to the door and opened it. A man with a red rose on his hand was standing in front of the door. His hair was combed back and parted the same way as,  _Seunghyun Hyung._  Chaering took the rose from his hand and Dr. Mino smiled ear to ear.

“A rose as red as your lips, my beautiful lady.” He closed the gap between him and Chaerin and then took her hands to kiss it.

I furrowed my brows upon seeing the lovey-dovey couple in front of me. “Ehem.” I purposedly cleared my throat to pull both of them into reality. “Please come in.”

Chaerin led him to my living room, but he stopped to greet me. “Ah, Dr. Kang. How are you?” He grinned and bowed to me.

“I’m fine. Thank you, Dr. Song.”

I saw him scanning me from my head to my toe. “You seems to have your own event?”

 

I was about to open my mouth to answer him but then the bell rang again. Heart beating fast and stomach churning, I forced myself to open the door without looking at the intercom –I was sure who the second man was. My heart skipped a beat upon seeing a big bouquet of roses –pink and red to be exact. The pink ones were set in a small circle, when the red ones surrounded the pink roses. I didn’t see Seunghyun Hyung’s face until he slightly tilted his head.

“Hello.” He flashed his white teeth to me. Looking at me, his smile became even wider. “Wow, I made a good choice by buying you pink roses too. You wear pink!” He said while giving me the bouquet.

“Thank you for the roses. Please come in.”

“If you don’t mind, I will wait for you in here. My chauffeur is waiting for us.”

“Okay. Just let me put this before we go out.” I turned my back to go find a vase, but Chaerin stopped me on my way.

“FUCK YOU OPPA!”

She didn’t need to curse more to explain her feeling upon seeing Seunghyun was my date. I knew after this she would interrogate me for a long time. She threw a glare to Dr. Song before pointing to my bouquet.

“SHIT! I hate you, Oppa. This—” She waved the rose on her hand. “—seems like nothing.”

“Chaerin-ah! Behave! Dr. Song at least brought something for you!”

Protruding her lower lips, she went to hug Dr. Song. “I also want a big bouquet of rose like that.”

“Anything, Chaerin-ah.” He patted her back while snuggling his head on Chaerin’s hair.

I shook my head when I saw the sight and hurriedly put the bouquet in a glass of water.  _No time for searching the vase._  Hugging Chaerin before seeing my date, I whispered, “I won’t kill you if something happened in my apartment, but you know, you might not see Dr. Song again. Understand?”

She nodded and hit my ass. “Yeah go, go, go!” Gritting my teeth, I silently cursed at Chaerin which only made her laughing maniacally.

Dr. Song nodded when our gaze met. He mouthed a ‘fighting’ while showing me his fists. I laughed and mouthing ‘thank you’ to him.

I rushed to the door and founf that Seunghyun Hyung was standing still while leaning his back to the wall until he saw me. He straightened up and gave me his warmest smile. Wearing a maroon shirt and a black coat, he smoldered and stared into my soul. There was a distance between us, but we appreciated the moment of stillness between us.

“S-shall we go?” I said to him.

“Ah, yeah. Let’s go.” He brushed off his already clean blazer – I didn’t know what he was brushing off,  _nervousness, maybe?_

I saw his hands were moving, like he wanted to do something with his hands, and I just stared at him.

“D-daesung-ah?” He finally said something with a stuttering voice.

“Hem?” I tilted my head and smiled at him calling my name.

“Shall I take your hand?” he said groggily, but his hand was ready for me to hook my hand into his.

I looked at him thoroughly, but eventually I wrapped around my hand to his and then looking at him. “Let’s go.” I said happily.

Putting his hand to overlap mine, he smiled. “Yes, let’s go.”


	9. Chapter 9

Seunghyun Hyung never released my hand while we were on his sedan. We were spending our time busy with our own thought, but sometimes he would caress my backhand softly with his thumb; sending shivers down to my spine and sending bloods to my face. I was tensed when he first touched me like that, but the ever gentle squeeze on my hand –as if he wanted to say ‘it’s okay, it’s me’- made me surrendered.

I actually had no idea what to do with this kind of date; someone brought me flowers, caressed my hand, made me expecting for something – it was all new for me. Looking back when I was in States, the date had never been a romantic one: we met at a restaurant, we talked and if we liked each other, we would make it to the bed. But I rarely made it to the bed as Jiyong Hyung’s pictures were always in my mind. It would took me some alcohol to go home with a one night stand. Jiyong Hyung was always be the reason I was afraid to get closer to someone.

I was afraid that one time, if I decided to have a relationship with someone, Jiyong Hyung would change his mind and accept my love.

But this time was different. I found myself relaxed and enjoyed the way he treated me –he was confident at what he was doing and led everything, while still considering my opinion. _Oh, wait. He has never asked me about something, actually._ He seemed like he knew everything about me and I was more than surprised. _Did I say too much information about me when we were texting?_

Still holding my hand, he looked outside the window and sometimes he smiled. When I saw the lips were arched up, I also smiled. _Is he happy to hold hand with me, or is he happy to see the running trees outside the window?_

“Why, Daesung-ah?” He said while still looking outside the window. “I can see you’re looking at me from the reflection, you know.” Turning his face to me, he smiled as usual, showing off his hollowed cheeks.

“Nothing. I was wondering our destination for tonight.”

“Ah, yeah. We will go to my villa. It’s not far from here, we will exit from this highway and then maybe five minutes from the exit is our destination.”

I bobbed my head, signifying my understanding.

“I hope you like what I prepared for you.”

“I’m sure I will like it, Hyung.”

“But I’m nervous. I’m afraid that I will mess up my date.”

This time I caressed his hand –which was still holding my left hand- with my free hand and smiled. _It’s me who hope that I_ _won’t mess this date._

*

Upon exiting the highway, the chauffeur slowly reduced the speed of the car. I saw an elite house complex and couldn’t help but to think that those were individual kingdoms. I had to control my face not to look overwhelmed with all the luxurious facilities I passed through. _Just how rich is the person beside me?_

We stopped at the front of a brick-wall-surrounded house. I couldn’t peek at the house because the wall was too high to see how big the house behind was. The chauffeur opened the car door and I slightly bowed to him as my gratitude. After Seunghyun Hyung and I were in front of the gate, the chauffeur opened the car garage that was beside it. The car garage door was hi-tech that it had some retina scan to open it. Seunghyun Hyung opened the gate for me and let me entered the gate first, but I was left in awe after seeing how smooth the garage’s door moved.

After entering the gate, there wasn’t one lamp to see the way to the house until Seunghyun Hyung clapped his hand once; the lamps were turned on and I could see—

  _A castle?_

_Holy—_

It was a white two-story building with big pillars to support the house. Majestic was the first word that came into my mind upon seeing the big wide house. From outside, it was more like a museum than a house. Two statues of angels were sandwiching the main door of the building and not far from the door, I could see water fountain. As a whole, Seunghyun Hyung’s villa was designed to give an old-European feeling and I could imagine myself wearing a king’s robe then walking to my own castle.

The way to the house was very pretty. The path was surrounded by bushes groomed into a wavy shape. It was orange-ish, but I could picture that it was green when the spring came. I trailed my fingertips to the plant as made my way to catch Seunghyun Hyung who was in front of me.

“Do you like it, Daesung-ah?” He said while reached out his hand to take mine, instead, I came closer to him and wrapped my arm to his.

While still staring at the beautiful plant, I said, “I love it –the house, the fountain water, the plant. I wish I can go to here every weekend.” I huffed a laugh while staring at his face, hoping that he would say yes upon hearing my wish. But he only smiled – a smile that I couldn’t understand the meaning behind it- without giving any response to my subtle hint.

I followed his lead to a plant gate beside the big house. When I stepped in, small lamps were hanging above my head; it was like stars were only centimeters above me. It was an autumn rose garden and I could feel the scent of rose invaded my nose. The roses everywhere, but it weren’t bright red ones or pink ones; some of them were yellow, orange or the mix of those two colors. In the middle of the garden, I saw a dining table.

_So, we will have our dinner in here, huh?_

Seunghyun Hyung led me to the dining table and pulled the chair for me. I was ready to sit and he pushed the chair.

“Would you please excuse me for a moment? I have to go in for a while.” He asked me. I just nodded and he rushed into the house.

While he disappeared, I looked around to enjoy the rose garden and couldn’t help but feeling that I was belong in here. I used to enjoy the little garden in my house, before moving to the apartment – being in here somehow brought back the memories. I could see Eomma working with her big beach hat, trimming the bush under the shining sun. Standing up from the chair, I decided to touch one of the autumn roses near the wood hedge.

I took one rose and inhaled the scent. Just like the one I remembered, Eomma’s scent. She had always liked the rose and so the dominant flower in my garden was. I thought that I had seen all the color of roses, but the autumn roses have colors that blend with the changing color of tree leaves; and I had never seen the color gradation like in this garden.

“You look like a pink garden in my house, Daesung-ah.”

I turned to face the owner of the voice. He brought a platter of fruit on his hands, put in on the table and came closer to me.

“Welcome to Titanic.”

I was taken aback upon hearing him. _What? Titanic?_

He smirked and continued, “Because you are as beautiful as Rose and I want to be your Jack.”

 _What the hell?_ My eyes became bigger and I looked at him in disbelief upon hearing his attempt to crack a joke. I understand the pun, but I didn’t expect the outcome would be very lame. “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I laughed out loud, bent forward while holding my stomach. I wasn’t laughing because the joke was funny –it was so lame that it might sink the Titanic twice.

After the storm, I found him staring at me while his hands in his trousers’ pockets. “I guess I made a good joke. Thank you for laughing.” He bowed to me as if he finished a grand performance.

I shook my head when I heard his confidence. _Ow, pity Seunghyun Hyung._

“Let’s eat the fruit first while waiting for the course, Daesung-ah.”

We were back to the table and we shared the fruit platter. There were sliced strawberries, apples and melons but Seunghyun Hyung didn’t eat the apple; he only eat the two others.

“You didn’t like apple Hyung?” I asked while munching the sweet apple.

“Actually I love it very much that I always eat it every day.” He said after shoving the melon to his mouth.

“And why don’t you eat the apple?”

“I need to stop.”

“Eh? Are you addicted to apple?” I titled my head in curiosity.

“No, because an apple per day keep the doctor away. I don’t want the doctor avoids me.” He grinned.

This time I huffed a laugh at his second attempt to make a joke. “Nice one, Seunghyun Hyung. But really, eat this apple or I will force you to eat the plate too.”

He happily stabbed the apple with his fork after I said that. I felt like he was trying hard to keep me entertained tonight and I really appreciated that. It had been too long since my last fun date with someone and I enjoyed it. Not long after, to people come –one brought two glasses and a bottle of wine and the other brought the meals. When the plates were served, I looked closely.

“Hanwoo, medium well and raw meat slices with seasoning.” Seunghyun Hyung explained the meals in front of us while the butler poured down the wine into the glass. Then, when the butler was done pouring and went away, he raised his glass.

“To a beautiful night.”

I chuckled. _Yeah, we barely did something worth to celebrate._ “To the beautiful night.”

A sound of glasses clanking was heard and we enjoyed the meal while talking about our activities before having a dinner date. The meat melted in my mouth and I almost became a barbarian, wanting to eat all the meat served by myself if I didn’t remember that this was a date. I finished the meat rather quick, although I ate the lunch late and I ate a lot.

“I saw you’re hungry Daesung-ah.”

The blood rushed to my face and I was hoping the light wasn’t enough to reveal if my face became red.

“Ah, this is for you.” He fished out something from his pocket and put it beside my wine glass.

The Doraemon keychain was laid and I stared at it. “Thank you, Hyung.” I said. I was supposed to be very happy right at the moment, but I guessed having dinner and joking with Seunghyun Hyung made me happier than receiving the keychain. I took the keychain and let it dangling on my hands. _Did I just find something more precious than Doraemon?_

After he finished with his meal, he stood out and reached out his hand. I followed him while he held my hand. He led me to a small gazebo. It was placed at the left side of the gate to his villa, but the gazebo was unseen because of the trees hiding it. We bot sat at the wood chair while enjoying the silence. Seunghyun Hyung now filling the gap between my fingers. I saw him as he tightened his hold on my hand then he looked at me closely. The dim light made me hard to see his face clearly, but he seemed very happy about interlacing our fingers. His smile was so gentle that it made my heart skipped a beat.

“Are you happy?”

My stomach sunk to hear his sentence. _It was the stranger’s text this morning. Why did he ask the same thing?_

“Daesung-ah?” he called my name. “Or you’re not happy tonight?”

“Ah. I-I-I’m happy, Hyung.”

He smiled before he turned his head to somewhere else. “I’m glad to hear that.”

We spent minutes in silence again, but I didn’t mind the silence that happened frequently between us. I became more aware of his gesture, his tender touch to my hand, as if he wanted to take pleasure at the fact that someone was holding his hand too. I dared myself to do the same, caressing his thumb with my thumb. At first, his body stiffened, but then unfreeze and enjoyed it.

I always enjoyed silence alone and I really like the moment of solitude, because sometimes the silence is louder than noises in the world. I had never thought that the moment of stillness could be enjoyed with someone. _I guess I don’t mind to enjoy the quietness with Seunghyun Hyung._

“Dae, may I ask you something personal?”

“Please.”

“About that _friend_ … Do you still have a feeling towards him?”

I hesitated for a while but eventually answered his question. “I think so.”

His adam’s apple moving up and down and his expression changed to a nervous one. “But will you open your heart to someone new?”

Releasing my arms from his hold, I took a step back. “This is not what I am thinking about, right?”

“What are you thinking about, Dae?”

“These—” my hands spread widely, gesturing the whole activities we just did. “These romantic things will lead to a confession between us: I like you, you like me and then you will say that I must forget that person—”

“I will not ask you to forget him!” he hopelessly cut my sentence. “I just want to know if there’s still a chance for me to enter your heart.”

I felt dizzy. Jiyong Hyung’s smile suddenly appeared on my head. It was the same as before, my head automatically played Jiyong Hyung’s picture if someone tried to confess to me. I grasped the post of the gazebo to support myself.

“Hyung, I want to go home.” I stepped back and then turned my body.

“Daesung-ah, no. Please hear me first.”

“No. I want to go home.” I was about to run away from him, but he caught my arm first and held it tight. I hissed. “Hyung, let me go.”

“I will let you go. But at least let my chauffeur sends you home. It’s late already. Okay?”

He loosened up his hold when I nodded at his offer. He phoned his chauffeur and then sent me off. I sat on the backseat and ready to close the door when he prevented me to do so.

“Daesung-ah, please. We still need to talk. I will call you later, okay? Please.”

“I don’t know Hyung.” I tapped the chauffeur’s shoulder. “Would you please go?”

The chauffeur looked at me before looking at Seunghyun Hyung, asking for his consent to which Seunghyun Hyung nodded at.

“Take care, Daesung-ah.” He said while closing the door for me.

The car immediately moved and the chauffeur asked me, “Are we going to the initial place when Mr. Choi picked you up, Sir?”

 _Chaerin and Dr. Song might still be in my apartment and I don’t want to bother them._ I couldn’t go home, not when my date fail miserably. Then a place came up in my mind.

“No. Please drop me at Peaceminusone Art Gallery in Jung-gu. If that’s okay with you.” I said to the chauffeur.

“No problem, Sir.”

The car speeded up, leaving the white villa behind.

***

 

Hesitated for a while, I stood still in front of his gallery. He might not be in his gallery, but my gut said that he would spend his weekend to paint something. I tap the pin into the lock and after the long beep sound, the door was opened. _Aish, Jiyong Hyung. You may want to change the passcode._

I entered the hall and I went to a room where he usually worked on his painting. When I was walking, I passed through a room that I knew very well – a room full of my portrait painting by Jiyong Hyung. I looked into the room through the glass door. Without opening it, I put my hand to the glass door.

In the room, there was a big painting –the biggest painting in the room, actually- of me. Jiyong Hyung painted it for my 25th birthday, a year before I decided to take my master degree at States. I was blonde at that time and I was smiling ear to ear at the painting. It was an aggrandizement of a picture he took after we went to a dinner.

_A night when I decided to accept my scholarship and went away to forget you._

I took a deep breath.

_Why am I here?_

I continued to walk to find Jiyong Hyung. Then I stopped at a familiar door just to see a pink headed man focusing his mind to a big canvas in front of him. He moved the brush on the canvas as if he danced; his delicate yet strong hand moved up and down gracefully. Sometimes he stopped to take another size of brush and dip it to the paint. I took one step closer to him, but I accidentally stepped on a paper and made quite a disturbing sound in a quiet room –enough to bring Jiyong Hyung back from his imagination into reality. He turned to see the person who broke his focus.

“Daesung-ah?”

His voice was ever so gently when he called me. It was not a deep voice, it was rather a high pitched voice. _It wasn’t Seunghyun Hyung’s._ Then Seunghyun Hyung’s sad face lingers in my mind and I found myself surprised at the sudden thought about him.

“Daesung-ah!” He put his painting tool and ran to get closer to me. “Ah wait, I should wash my hand first. Wait there, ‘kay?”

I nodded weakly at his command and he ran again to the sink. After washing his hands, he came closer to me.

“What are you doing at this time, Daesung-ah? Are you okay?” He touched my shoulder, my cheeks, my neck, and then he put his backhand to my temple to check my body temperature. “You’re not sick.” He stepped back and scanned my appearance. “You dressed up!” His lips curving upward and his hands cupping my cheeks. “And you also wearing earrings, huh? Looks good on you! Did you have a date?”

I huffed a weak laugh upon hearing his rant and took down the hands that held my face. “Stop it Jiyong Hyung.”

“Okay then.” His eyes turned into a crescent shape and he showed his gummy smile to me. “How are you, Daesung-ah? It’s been a while since the last time you went to my gallery.”

“I’m always fine, Hyung.” I shrugged.

He put his hand on his hips and said, “And you always make a lie. Was something happened, Daesung-ah?”

My body stiffened when I heard his question. _There was a lot of thing happened and I am confused._ I bit my lips lower lips hard because the tears would fall down if I didn’t distract myself by hurting my lips. “Hyung, you do know that I love you more than a dongsaeng to his hyung, right? I’ve been into this painful unrequited feeling for so long, Hyung. Why don’t you gave me a chance to love you, Hyung?” Wheezing, I still tried to say something. But my heart was squeezed so hard that the tears wanted to perform in my eyes. I turned my back at him. _I can’t show my face to him. He shouldn’t see me crying._ After a moment of excruciating silence between us, I felt hands lingering to my stomach from behind. I saw Jiyong Hyung’s fingers lacing in front of my stomach and locking me into a hug. He pressed his face behind my back, snuggling on my sweater.

“Hyung knows, Daesung-ah. But Hyung is sorry.”

I clenched my fists, tightly curled on my sides, still trying to suppress the painful squeeze in my chest. He tightened the hug –he even made circles on my heart and my stomach. But it didn’t have any soothing effect like before.

“Hyung didn’t accept your love not because I hated you, Daesung-ah, it is more than that.”

_Stop Hyung. I don’t want to hear anything but ‘I love you, too’ from your mouth._

“I don’t want a pseudo-relationship like that to happen between us. We are more than that, Daesung-ah. Imagine if we are in a relationship, something happened, then at the end we don’t feel like we are meant to be. What will happen next? We break up!”

_But you even never try to build a relationship with me. Why are you talking about break-up?_

“We have become brothers since we were child. My mother asked you to take care of me, and Aunty Kang told me to be good to you—”

My breath became uneven and tears falling down upon hearing Eomma’s name from his lips. Some drops fell on his arms, making him to turn me to face him.

“But Daesung-ah, I can’t be a good hyung for you if you keep asking me to have a relationship with you because I will always give you the same answer, Dae, I can’t give the answer that you want to hear. You are too precious to be only my boyfriend.” He cupped my face and wiped the wet face of me. “Dae listen to Hyung. Please, stop loving me like that, Daesung-ah, I can’t give what you need. I am a selfish bastard, and you know that.”

“But you never tried, Hyung. I don’t want anything from you. I need you to see me as a man who is capable to love you, to take care of you.”

He looked at my face then stared deep into my eyes. “Guess we are both stubborn men. You keep insisting to love me, and I keep letting you down.” Jiyong Hyung smiled at me. “What will happen if we try and it fail? Can you promise that you won’t hate me even I did something terrible to you?”

“You hurt me enough, Hyung.”

“I can’t take all the blame, Daesung-ah, it’s not fair. I told you I can’t but you’re being pig-headed!”

I was taken aback with his slightly raised tone. Jiyong Hyung was never being mad at me. Maybe I had pushed him to the limit.

“Daesung-ah… Can’t you just stop loving me? Are you sure that it is love that you feel towards me? Or it is just phony feeling because you’re used to my existence that you feel it as a love?”

I stood frozen in front of him. His last sentence rang in my head. _Is it just a phony feeling?_

“Don’t force a feeling if it isn’t even there, Daesung-ah.”

He patted my shoulder, hugged me and then made his way to paint again. “I have to finish my painting. Do you want to go home or what?”

“I guess I will go to a hotel, Hyung. My apartment somewhat occupied tonight.”

“Then take care, Daesung-ah.” He smiled before facing the canvas again.

I saw him moving his hands again. If it was in the past, I would have taken a chair and watched him. But tonight I felt like I wanted to sleep the mixed feeling away. Then my phone vibrated.

 

From: xxstrangerxx

Were you happy today? I hope you’re happy today and tomorrow and forever.

 

I sighed at the text. After all the time, I felt the urge to say something to the stranger. _He is a stranger anyway. Maybe he can take turn to read my story._ Tapping my thumbs onto the screen, I wrote:

 

To: xxstrangerxx

I think I messed up the day. Would you hear my story?


	10. Chapter 10

To: xxstrangerxx (12.03 am)

I think I messed up the day. Would you hear my story?

 

 _Sent_.

 

From: xxstangerxx (12.04)

Wow. Finally. A reply

 

From: xxstangerxx (12.04)

Thank you.

 

From: xxstangerxx (12.04)

Yeah, I would like to hear your story.

 

***

 

_“If I fall in love with another person, would you allow me to love him, Hyung?”_

_“It’s your choice, Dae. I never ask you to only love me. You_ think _you love me, but I know you don’t.”_

_“What do you know about my feeling, Hyung?”_

_“It’s not there, Dae, the love is not there. It’s just a pity over me. I’m weak, while you’re a_ Kang _, a strong person. Don’t mistaken that as a love, Dae.”_

_“But I want to protect you, Hyung.”_

_“There’s someone who deserve your love, Dae. Open your eyes!”_

_“But I love you, Hyung.”_

_“I love you, too, Daesung-ah. As my dongsaeng.” He smiled to me warmly. Slowly but sure, he disappeared in to the fog._

 

RING! RING! RING!

 

The sound of phone ringing pulled me back into reality. I was instantly awakened –my eyes were opened widely- and I stared to the ceiling. _Ah, hotel._

 

RING! RING! RING!

 

I looked at the nightstand and reached the phone on it. “Y-yeah, hello?” With a hoarse voice I greeted the person on the other line.

“Hello, Sir. This is wake-up call service and the time is 6.30 in the morning.”

I rubbed the sleepy dust off from my eyes before answering. “Ah, yeah. Thank you very much.”

“You’re welcome, Sir.”

Then I hung up the telephone. _Shit._ My eyelids were very heavy and I decided to close my eyes again for a while. I betted that I had swollen eyes because I cried last night. _Jiyong Hyung._ The dream were so vivid that I could see myself begging for Jiyong Hyung.

_Was it really a pity that I had mistaken as love? Then if it wasn’t love after all, did I just waste almost my entire life just to pity him?_

I rubbed my face again to get myself together and opened one eye to guide me to search for my phone on the nightstand.

 

_10 New Messages from 2 sender(s)_

 

 _What the hell?_ I opened the inbox and found out there were eight texts from Chaerin.

 

_Oppa, are you going home?_

_I know you’re not going hooooomee! You naughty Oppa!_

_Oppa, condom! Safety first!_

_Oppa, relax!_ _ㅋㅋ_

_Oppa, Mino went home! T_T Let me sleep on your guest room, ‘kay?_

_Aish, I forgot you can’t reply me, but still._

_I’m going home in the morning._

_Oppa, I’m going home and I’m taking one pink rose with me. You owe me a lot of stories._

The last text was sent at 6. _Must be her morning shift._ I scrolled down more just to find nothing from Seunghyun Hyung, but I got two texts from the stranger.

 

From: xxstrangerxx

Like I said, if you’re not happy, it is not the end. Maybe it’s time for you to open your heart for someone else?

 

From: xxstrangerxx

I’m sure that there will be someone who take you as you are, no matter how broken you are.

 

I hugged my phone. His text was somewhat lifted the heavy burden on my shoulder. I was really happy to read the soothing message from the stranger, but at the same time sad because there was nothing from Seunghyun Hyung.

_Is he mad at me?_

I shook the thought out of my head. It was his mistake. Why tried to knock at the door that he knew it was closed for forever?

‘But you did open it even it was just a little, Daesung.’ Said the little voice in my head.

_I didn’t._

‘Then why did you hold his hand too?’

_I don’t know. It was just… a right thing to do._

 

Heaving a sigh, I got off from the bed and went to the bathroom to clean myself. There was only one place I could go to clear my head.

**

I walked through the aisle leisurely, there was nobody at the church since it was in the afternoon. I chose a chair not far from the podion, and stared blankly to the center of the church. Closing my eyes, I tried to control my mind and arranged the scattered words in my mind. I laced my fingers, but it was not a pray. I unlaced my fingers and started to look at the podion.

“Nnggg…” I scratched my head. _What should I say to greet God? Good afternoon?_ I took a deep breath and started again.

“God, it’s me, Daesung.” _Fool. Of course He knows it’s you, Daesung._ The little voice in my head shouted. Then I decided to look at my lap, because I didn’t know where to look.

“I—I… I think I shouldn’t be here to whine because You have given me a lot – wealth, good Noona, a steady job. Look, I am very grateful of that but…” Slowly, the feeling of embarrassment creeping up my body. I was embarrassed because I thought I was being selfish after all the blessings He gave to me. I bit my lips and let the tears fell down from my cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my throat before continuing. “But I am confused, God. I—”

_I don’t know what I am feeling now._

“What should I do, God? I’m tired of running away.” I took a deep breath again. “I don’t know what to do. Please give me a sign. Will someone come to make this clear for me?”

Then I heard a chuckle from behind. I wiped my tears quickly and turned my head. There was a kid who wore white coat and a red knitted hat with pompom was running towards me while giggling. I smiled upon realizing the kid.

“MR. DUCKTOOORRR!” He tugged my sweater and flashed his baby teeth.

I lifted him and took him on my lap. “Yeonjun-ah!” I immediately looked back again to find his guardian. I saw Seunghyun Hyung, but he sat on the very back, nearing the church door. “You came here with Samchon?”

“Yes, Mr. Ducktor.” He tilted his head and reached out his little hands to cup my cheeks. “Did you cry?”

“Ah, yeah.” I laughed. I wanted to wipe my cheeks but my hands were busy to support him on my lap.

“Are you hurt?” He patted my chest and my shoulders with worried eyes. _What a cute little angel._

Smiling, I said to him. “No, sweetie.”

“But I always cry if I’m hurt, Mr. Ducktor.” Yeonjun’s little thumbs wiping the trail of tears in my face and his sincere gesture made my heart warm. After he was satisfied with his works, he took something from his pocket. “Here, Mr. Ducktor.”

He showed his palm and I saw a pink and orange candies. “For me?”

“Uhmmmmmm…”  He curled his hands into fists, hiding the candies. “I want all of them, but… I think I have to give one to you because you cried. Samchon gave these to me so I would stop crying. So, maybe if I give you this you will stop crying, too. I like strawberry but I never eat orange one before…”

I giggled at his confusing expression; wondering which flavor he would give to me. But then he took my hand and gave me the strawberry one. I kissed his hair and whispered, “Thank you, Yeonjun-ah.”

“I will ask for more candies to Samchon and give it to you, Mr. Ducktor.”

My lips broke into a smile upon seeing his innocent face. Yeonjun must be surrounded by good people and taught a lot of good things so he could feel sympathy towards me. I lifted him up, stood up and came to Seunghyun Hyung. Seeing me coming closer to him, he stood up from his seat. I couldn’t read his expression – _is he mad at me?_

Bowing slightly, the first sentence slipped out from my mouth was, “Hyung, you shouldn’t give Yeonjun candies every time he cries. It’s not good for his health.”

He shrugged and protruded his lower lip, “That is the best thing I know. I know it’s my fault that he is acting like a spoiled brat. I will find another way to stop him from crying.”

There was nothing could be heard in the church except the sound of Yeonjun sucking a candy. I was looking at Seunghyun Hyung, but he was looking to another direction. There were a lot of things I wanted to say but I didn’t know how to start the conversation.

“Seunghyun Hyung…” I called his name weakly. “I—”

“No.” he cut my sentence. “Not now, Daesung-ah.”

Somewhat annoyed because I was cut by him, I raised my voice, “I wanted to talk to you!”

“That’s why I said ‘not now’, Kang Daesung.”

I felt a hard pang in my heart upon hearing my full name from his mouth and lowered my head. “Do you have time today?” I looked at his dark orbs and crossed my fingers, hoping that he would say yes.

“Unfortunately no, Daesung-ah. I have a lot of things to do today.”

I bit my lower lip and tightened my hug to Yeonjun. “So, when will you have time to talk?”

“I don’t know yet.” He answered me shortly and then he took Yeonjun from me. “I have to go home.”

My hands curled up into fists, as my attempt to gather my courage to ask him last question before he went away. “Hyung, are you mad at me?”

He scanned my face and looked at my eyes deeply. I got the feeling, his eyes told me that he was disappointed in me. He didn’t have to say. I knew—

Tears suddenly fell down, wetting my cheeks. I tried to wipe the tears using my sleeves, but my eyes were leaking non-stop. I stared the ground, hoping the tears would stop if I did that, but to no avail. I felt a hand lifted my head up and wept my tears away.

“Who didn’t feel mad after all you did, Daesung-ah? If you ask me whether I am mad to you or not, the answer is yes. But since Yeonjun is here, we can’t talk leisurely. Do you understand me?”

I could hear his stern voice and I was afraid to hear his answer, because I didn’t know what to do if he was mad at me. Until now, I always avoided to make someone mad at me; I would try to please all the people around me, even it hurt myself. Then Seunghyun Hyung took my left hand and uncurled it.

“Daesung-ah, I promise we will talk soon, but not today. Okay?”

I only looked at him, not knowing how to answer. Some drops of tears still falling down but I let it wetting my cheeks, hoping that Seunghyun Hyung would do the same thing as before: wiping my cheeks. _Or even hug me._

But he didn’t. Instead he released my hand and said, “I gotta go, Daesung.” He and Yeonjun bowed to me and went away. I wanted to run to him, but my feet was nailed to the ground.

His back became a dot and slowly disappeared and I did nothing.

I was used to show my back to the people, ran away from them, run away from the problems, and I never thought that I would see someone’s back, leaving me alone only with my thought. I stared at my left hand; I still could feel Seunghyun’s gentle caress to my backhand last night, or how he looked at me after the loud silence between us. His eyes were sparkling and…

_I think I want to see that sparkling eyes every day._

I wanted to feel his gentle caress in my hands.

When Seunghyun Hyung hugged Yeonjun, I could feel the warmth of his heart.

And I wanted to feel that warmth, too.

I wanted to hug him.

I wanted to hear his jokes, the one that could make me laughed my heart out.

 

_I want him._

 

I needed someone who would take my hand and said ‘it’s okay’ to me. I didn’t want to feel pains in my heart anymore. I needed a person who would lift me from the piled up memories of Kwon Jiyong, after he rejected me for sure last night. I needed someone who would brush away the memories of Jiyong Hyung in my head and willing to accept me no matter how broken I was.

 

_I will not ask you to forget him. I just want to know if there’s still a chance for me to enter your heart._

 

_Enter my heart._

Did he just confess his love to me?

 

I fell down on my knees in the middle of the church. The scenes from the dinner after I took care of Yeonjun, café, hospital, lunch and our date last night were playing in my head. His longing eyes, his hands, his smile…

_Babo, Daesung._

_He loves you._


	11. Chapter 11

Today was my task to do a visit at children’s ward in the morning and then stayed in the consultation room until I finished the job. Monday was indeed a busy day even my coffee needed a coffee to stay strong to go through the day. I began to read some patients’ medical records before going home and Chaerin was smiling like crazy while standing in front of me. I shook my head upon seeing her foolish behavior and then continued reading. She was looking at me intensely, made me put my pen on the table and stared back to her.

“Spit it out, Nurse Lee.”

She giggled like crazy without answering my question.

“What?”

“Eheeeiii. Do I have to say it Oppa?”

I smirked and beckoned my forefinger, gesturing her to come closer to me. She showed me her ear, ready to hear some news from me, but instead I pulled her ear.

“AISH!” she hissed and threw a glare to me, but immediately covered her own mouth. “What the hell, Oppa?”

“Working hours, Nurse Lee! Thus, you have to work instead of hearing some gossips. _Euigooo_ this woman!” I flicked her temple.

“I haven’t finished my job, but I can’t wait until the night come, Oppa! Tell me! Was it good? Was it bad? Uwwww… I bet Seunghyun-ssi treated you so well that you didn’t come home at Sunday.”

I stared at her for a while before massaging me own temple and leaning to the backrest of my seat. “It didn’t go well, Chaerin-ah.”

“Hhhhm??” Her eyes became wide when she heard the opposite things with what she was imagining. She pulled out the chair in front of me and put a serious face. “It didn’t go well? What happened?”

 _What happened?_ “I think I messed up the date. He didn’t even text me last night…” I checked my phone that was on the table just to find nothing, “and today also.”

“I bet you chickened out again?” She squinted her eyes to me.

I turned my chair so Chaerin couldn’t see my face. I didn’t know whether she was right or not about me chickened out, but her words pricked my heart and made my stomach churning. After a while, I found her standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. She looked at her phone before talking to me. “I have exactly five minutes to say something before going back to the nurse station bringing the medical records. So, what did you do, Oppa?”

“I— I ran away from him.” Chaerin was glaring at me and I decided not to look at her eyes, because her eyes judging me and I didn’t like the way she looked at me.

“What? Why?”

“I am afraid that he would asked me to stay away from Jiyong Hyung… I can’t do that!”

Chaerin lifted my chin and stared me for quite a minute without saying anything. I looked at her back and—

“I hate you, Oppa.”

The last thing I saw was her hand flying to my face and produced a loud sound. Heaving a sigh I caressed my cheek to soothe the pain. I didn’t look at Chaerin, I was afraid that she would find drops of tears in my face. Nevertheless, I deserved to be slapped so I could get myself together.

“I hate you, Oppa.” She repeated.

This time, her voiced was mixed with sobs. I craned my head to see her condition. Chaerin was biting her lips, her hands were curled on her sides and some tears streamed down to her cheeks.

“What were you thinking about? Can’t you see his eyes? Eyes never lie, Oppa; and his eyes say that he loves you! Are you blind, Oppa?” Her shoulder was shaking because she was trying hard to not crying her heart out.

Still sitting on my seat, I took her hands and caressed them. I never thought that Chaerin would cry like this over my fault.

“I’ve never got to see a man who look at me like the way Seunghyun-ssi looks at you and I think you are a cruel man, leaving him just like that. I want a man who looks at me like that, Oppa. But until now the men who approached me just looking at me as if I was a prey! Even Mino! You know why Mino left me on your apartment? Because he wanted something I couldn’t give to him yet! Oh for fuck’s sake, I just knew him for what, two weeks ago?”

She had a hard time breathing normally and I stayed silent. Chaerin took her hands from mine and wiped her tears.

“But I indeed fulfilled my promise, Oppa. I did nothing on your apartment.” She forced a smile at me. Then she cupped my cheeks and caressed the side she had hit “I’m sorry. Was that hurt, Oppa?”

I rose from my seat and hugged her tightly while patting her back. “No and I think you were hurt more than I was, Chaerin-ah. Oppa is the one who should feel sorry.”

She hugged me back and then whispered. “Oppa, your prince is here.” I was about to turn to see him, but Chaerin prevented me from doing so. “I hope you don’t mess up this one, Oppa.” She patted my back and stepped back. “Oh, Seunghyun-ssi!”

I turned and looking at him who was standing in front of the door. He bowed to Chaerin and she bowed back. “I’m sorry to interrupt both of you.”

“Ah, no. He was giving some advice for me, because he is a good oppa. Right Daesung Oppa?” She looked at me, wanting a confirmation for what we did earlier.

I just laughed at Chaerin’s lie because no one took or gave any advice between us. “Yeah. She has to be more careful with her dirty mouth.”

Seunghun Hyung huffed a laugh while looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. “He’s a good keeper, isn’t he?”

“You’re right, Seunghyun-ssi.” Chaerin took the maps on my table and heading out from my room. “Well, if you would excuse me, gentlemen.” She smiled at us. “And you, Oppa. I want donuts. I like sweet donuts with rainbow sprinkles on it. A lot of it.”

I smirked at her and she winked at me. Donut was a code between us which meant that she wanted me to tell her something and sweet donut with sprinkle meant that she only accept good news from me. _You little brat!_

Seunghyun Hyung was looking at Chaerin’s back until she disappeared at the corner. He then put his hands in his pockets and his eyes were distant.

“So, are you free tonight?” Seunghyun hyung said without changing his gaze on the floor.

“I-I think so.”

“You want to talk, right? I also want to talk to you.” He looked at me. “Let’s go.”

“Go to where?”

“You will know after.” He said sternly and walked first, without looking back at me as if he already knew I would follow him. In fact, I didn’t. Staying frozen in front of the consulting room, I was thinking about what I would do or say to him. What should I explain to him now when he wanted to talk me too?

He then stopped and looked at me from his shoulder. “Come on, Daesung-ah.”

 

_Can’t you see his eyes? Eyes never lie, Oppa; and his eyes say that he loves you!_

 

_I just want to know if there’s still a chance for me to enter your heart._

 

Chaerin and Seunghyun Hyung’s words were swirling in my mind but then it was clear. The same words I had concluded in church yesterday.

 

_He loves me._

_And what happen after that?_

I couldn’t let him love me, not when Jiyong Hyung was still here in my heart. _It will just leave scars for his heart. Let me be the one who feel the pain alone, I can’t let him feel the pain too._ I shook my head furiously and ran away from him, but his long limbs made him caught me shortly after I ran.

He grabbed my arms harshly and said, “Don’t run away from me again, Kang Daesung, because I won’t let you go. Not after I lost you twice.”

 _Twice?_ _When did I—_

His grip on my arms made me winced but he didn’t release me and dragged me outside the hospital. The same car and chauffeur had waited us in front of the hospital. Seunghyun Hyung let me go inside first and then he followed after.

 

During the way to somewhere, I glanced at the person beside me. His right arm was on his side and free. I looked at his hands; I wished I could fill the space between his fingers like that night. Lacing my own hands, I closed my eyes and leaned my head towards the window, hoping to find the same feeling I had when he was caressing my backhand with his thumb.

A comfortable feeling.

 

I opened my eyes to see the man beside me. He was still looking outside the window with a distant eyes. Seeing him, the hollow feelings inside my heart became bigger and bigger which I myself didn’t know what to call it. Sad, longing, pain – it all became one. Realizing that I was staring at him, he looked back at me. The corner of his lips arched up slightly, but it was so slight I couldn’t say that it was a smile. I saw his beautiful dark chocolate orbs, but I found sadness lingering in there as if he wanted someone to soothe the pain he had. I curled my fingers and put them on my lap while looking at him without saying anything, despite my desire to caress his face and brush away the sad look.

_Why the sad look, Hyung?_

Couldn’t stand the look, I turned my head and saw somewhere but his eyes. I looked around the sight; slowly but sure understanding where the destination was.

“Oh?” I exclaimed and turned my face to look at Seunghyun Hyung. “Are—”

“Yes, we’re going to my villa again.” He nodded.

I closed my mouth that was opened slightly. Seunghyun Hyung’s ability to understand me and say whatever I want to say before the words slipped from my mouth never ceased to amaze me. I saw the highway exit and without realizing it, I was having a panic attack. My heart was thumping faster and my breath became ragged. I only looked at my curled fingers on my lap.

_Why am I having a panic attack?_

‘It’s because you never really have a serious conversation with a person who loves you, Daesung. You always run away, again and again.’

_Because I know I can’t love them back. My mind is full of Jiyong Hyung. I want to run away. Let me be by myself even though it is hard._

‘No, Daesung. You’re not going to run away anymore. You will face your fear of loving someone beside Jiyong Hyung and this is the chance.’

 

The more I felt my heart was squeezed, the more I tightened the fist which I was sure would leave some crescents in my palm. I closed my eyes and then felt a hand took mine and uncurled the fingers –it was Seunghyun Hyung’s. He held my hand and caressed it with his thumb; the exact comfort he gave when I had a date with him. Suddenly, I felt at ease and I took a deep breath.

Not long after, we arrived at the villa. He released my hand, got off from the car and went straight to open the gate while his chauffeur opened the car’s door for me. Seunghyun Hyung held the gate for me, but after I stepped in, he walked in front of me.

_No, no. I don’t want to walk behind you. I want to walk beside you while you hold my hand._

I preferred to walk slower than him, hoping that he would wait for me. Then I observed my surrounding. The sky slowly became dark, but I could see the path to his villa better than the date night. The sunset glow made the white villa became slightly orange-ish and reddish, making it blended well with the plants in the yard. I saw my left side and chuckled dryly when I found the gazebo.

_What if at that night I listened to Seunghyun Hyung first rather than just ran away? What would I be now?_

“Daesung-ah, faster.” He called me while smiling weakly.

I fastened my pace, coming closer to him who opened the door for me. “Please, come in.”

The first impression I had when I saw the villa was it was more like a museum or castle than a place to rest; and I couldn’t be more agree when I stepped in the villa. It was massive, and I could imagine a prince or princess was coming down from the upstairs, waving hands while their partner waiting at the ballroom, where I was standing.

There were a lot of chairs and tables, and I didn’t get some of its shapes. On the wall, there were some paintings and it reminded me of Jiyong Hyung’s gallery. I blew more air from my nose and shook my head. _Not Jiyong Hyung again._

Seunghyun Hyung climbed up the stairs and I followed him from behind. After reaching the second floor, I found it more like a hall and there was a room at the end. I stopped walking.

“Hyung, where are we going?” I called him. He came to me and put his arms around my hip.

“Please, Dae, this way.”

“No, Hyung. Please, I want to talk in here.” My eyes were set to the stairs I had climbed just before. _So I don’t get lost if I want to run._

Seunghyun Hyung pulled away his hand and stood in front of me. “Why don’t you listen to me first, Dae? I want to show you something first.” He held my hand and pulled me slightly.

I brushed off his hand and looked at his eyes deeply, “Can we just not fall in love?”

“What?”

“Can _we_ just not fall in love?” I clenched my hands upon repeating the words. I knew very well I was lying to myself. I wanted him, but I couldn’t stand the betrayal I would do because my mind still thinking about Jiyong Hyung.

“Why?” He looked back at me while his hands grabbed my shoulder.

I turned my head so he didn’t get the lie in my eyes. “Because I love someone else.”

He pulled back his hands that were on my shoulder and said, “Bullshit.”

I was taken aback upon hearing a curse word from his mouth. Even though I was used to Chaerin’s foul mouth, hearing a curse from Seunghyun Hyung was foreign in my ears.

“Tell me the truth, Daesung-ah. Why do you keep running away from me when you know very well what I feel for you.”

“Because I am afraid to love.” I said after a long pause. “I’m afraid to love because all the people I love left me or rejected me –Appa, Eomma, that person. Who knows you will leave me too?” I bit my lips so I didn’t break into tears.

“But I love you too, Dae.”

“Oh please, Hyung.” I scoffed. “You barely know me. We only know each other for what – one month? And you said you love me?”

“I have been loving you for almost one year, Daesung-ah.”

My eyes widened upon hearing his words. Seunghyun Hyung took a phone from his pocket, but I had never seen that phone –it was an old model and was different than what I believe was Seunghyun Hyung’s. He began to tap the screen and then said.

 _“_ They said autumn is the hardest season – the leaves are falling and scattered on the ground. The leaves were just so much in love with the ground, but they have to patiently wait until autumn to meet the ground. Patience does wonders, doesn’t it?”

My breath hitched upon hearing what he said. _It is the stranger’s text!_ Seunghyun Hyung took a glance at me and then recited some more.

“Hello there! Don’t forget to bring hot pockets with you, okay? Even it’s the end of winter and soon the spring comes, it’s still cold.” He paused for a while. “Sakura trees are blossoming and it is very beautiful sight. But sadly I am a winter child. Somehow I hope that I were born on spring, where all things blossomed. How about you?” Seunghyun Hyung continued to read, “Summer is here. Don’t forget to bring sunblock and drink. You have drink bottle with you, don’t you?”

He stopped reading and looked at me. “Seasons changed, Daesung, but my love didn’t.”

I shook my head in disbelief, wanted to say something to refute, but there was nothing coming out from my mouth. Then my phone vibrated. I took out my phone and saw the blinking screen.

 

_xxstrangerxx_

 

I saw Seunghyun Hyung put the phone on speaker. While looking at him, I slid he green sign to the left.

“Hello?” I said to the other line and then my voice could be heard from the phone that Seunghyun Hyung was holding. I hung up the phone and Seunghyun Hyung also did the same. My feet were nailed to the floor. I wanted to say something but the words just scattered in my mind – I didn’t have time to arrange appropriate words to say.

“Follow me, Daesung.” He led me to a room just right at the end of the hall. The way to the room became brighter and I could see a familiar painting was hung on the wall just beside the wide opened door. I released my hand from Seunghyun Hyung’s grip and ran to see the painting closely.

“8th. Kang Daesung.” I read the title and then searched for the painter’s sign – a peace sign minus one line at the right side. “Kwon Jiyong.”

“Yeah. It’s his and the model was you.”

We entered the room and I scanned the wall. Upon seeing all the paintings, I realized that Seunghyun Hyung almost had all the paintings from Jiyong Hyung’s gallery moved here. _Except 25 th one._

“Hyung? How did you…?” I looked at him, confused.

He kept walking and then opened a door. From afar, I could see a bed inside. It was like a room inside a room. Using his head, Seunghyun Hyung gesturing me to come inside the room. When I was thinking that Seunghyun Hyung didn’t have the biggest painting of me, he proved me wrong. The painting was dominating the room and if someone laid on the bed, that person could easily staring at the painting.

“I had it moved from Jiyongie’s gallery.” He said to break the silence. He came closer to the painting, while I stood still near the door. Craning his head and lacing his hands behind, he looked at the painting for a moment before turning to face me.

I approached him and stood beside him. I looked at the painting and asked, “But it was still at the gallery when I saw him after our date…”

“I came to see him on Sunday morning.” He chuckled dryly while also looking at the painting. “It was hard to convince Jiyongie to sell this to me, but he eventually gave this for me on one condition—”

I tilted my head, waiting for the continuation of his sentence impatiently.

“—That I would take care of his precious dongsaeng.”

We turned our head to face each other almost at the same time, but he looked at the painting again. So many question popped in my head but I decided to stay quiet.

“When I saw you in that winter night, I knew I’ve fallen for you. Maybe, just maybe, because I was so desperate for love, I thought that I liked you. I approached you and saw what you were doing with your phone. You, in my eyes, were like an angel, a snow angel and I just couldn’t forget your face. You were talking to me, sharing your problems even though you knew I was a stranger.

“But after you got in the bus, I regretted that I didn’t ask for your number, or whatever, to keep contact with you. But the universe might want us to see each other again. Jiyongie’s gallery was searching for sponsor and I was replacing my staff to go to his gallery. Then I saw this painting. I pestered him that day to get to know the man in the painting. No, I threatened him actually. Long story short, I got your number and became acquaintance with Jiyongie. If I had time, I would come to his gallery to bug him, asking why you didn’t reply my answer and he would cockily say ‘because I am his Hyung’ in my face.” He then looked into my eyes again. “You said that I barely know you? You’re wrong, Daesung-ah. I think I know you enough from Jiyongie. And I also know the fact that your unrequited love is him.”

Upon hearing that, my eyes were leaking all of a sudden. I hated that Seunghyun Hyung knew about me and Jiyong Hyung all this time, but he decided to have the information for himself. For the nth time today, I clenched my hands into fists on my sided, my breath ragged and I just wanted to— _I don’t know what to do._

“And I also knew your _Yongie_ Hyung rejected you for good.” He said sternly without looking at my eyes, instead he set his eyes to the painting on the wall. “The same Yong with the painter of this.”

He took my hands and held it tight while I still fought with my tears and mixed feelings inside my head.

“Daesung-ah, did you get how long I was waiting for your reply? One year, Daesung. I know it’s nothing compared to the time you took to wait for Jiyong to love you back. But can’t you see me? I will love you with all my heart.”

My shoulders were shaking, even the biting harder couldn’t help me stopping the tears. “You fool, Seunghyun Hyung.”

“Yeonjun also said so. I’m a fool.” Seunghyun Hyung huffed a quiet laugh. “But this fool is persistent, keep sending you message even he knows that the text won’t be replied.”

I forced myself to look at his eyes. “But I’m too broken to be healed, Hyung. I’m too broken for you.”

He cupped my face, wiping the tears that didn’t stop flowing. “You’re broken, I’m broken too. Why don’t we fix each other?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Me, too, Daesung-ah. We are afraid because we can’t predict the future, we can’t see the future, and people tend to be afraid of the things they can’t predict or see. I’m here with you and will hold your hands as we face the future.”

“But I still have feelings for Jiyong Hyung.”

“It’s alright, Daesung-ah. It’s not a thing that could be forgotten in a mere day. Let’s make new memories together so you can save the new one while still keeping your precious memories with Jiyongie. So, would you try it with me?”

I looked deeply into his eyes and I only saw a persistent man inside him. His thumbs were wiping the tears and his face got closer to mine. I closed my eyes, but only to feel his lips on my cheeks. _Did I just feel a disappointment?_

“You didn’t answer me, Dae.” I opened my eyes just to see him smiling at me.

“I—I,” Stuttering, I lowered my head and tugged his coat. “Help me, Hyung.”

Seunghyun Hyung put my chin between his index finger and thumb, and lifted my face so I could see him. “I will, Dae.” He said. With his free hand, he slid his hand to hold the back of my neck and pulled me closer to him. He tilted his head, closed his eyes and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I could see his long eyelash fluttering and feel his soft lips nibbling mine. Putting my hands on his hips, I then closed my eyes to give myself completely to him.

He took turn to caress my upper and lower lips. At first I just enjoyed what he was doing to me, but after a while, I kissed him back and I could feel he was smiling. He moved his hand to stroke circles in my back and pulled me closer, while his other hand still supporting my head. After a long time, he pulled back and immediately hugged me tight, while homing his face into my neck.

I hugged him back, but then I felt his shoulders shaking and drops of tears wetting my neck. “I, Daesung-ah, can’t promise you flowery roads ahead, but whatever kind of roads we face, I will be here for you. Thank you. I hope you know that I am serious.” His sentences were muffled by my sweater, but I could hear him well.

I pulled back from the hug and saw his red face. He was wiping the tears on his cheeks while I took his hands and replaced them with mine to wipe the tears. When I thought it was enough, I put my arms around his neck and then pecked his lips. He huffed a laugh and I was smiling upon hearing the sweet deep voice.

He laced his fingers on my back and glued our temples together. “I will lift you from the piled up memories of Jiyong, so you can see me, so you can see your way to my life and run into me happily.” He stared at my lips and said. “Could I kiss you again? I think I’m addicted to that beautiful lips of yours, Dae-baby.”

My heart skipped a beat and I pushed him slightly and smiled like a crazy person. I liked the way he called me. _Dae-baby._ “Call me again.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Daesung-ah?”

I shook my head furiously and he got the signal. “Ah… Dae-baby?” He winked to me. I laughed upon seeing the wink.

_I guess this is what I want for life._

_Him._

“So… Hyunnie?” I bit my lip after saying my pet-name for him.

“Hmmmm…” he bobbed his head and pouted. “A manly one maybe? Like my superman, or what—” he saw me shaking my head. “No?” He forced a grin.

“Hyunnie it is.” I said.

“Alright, Dae-baby. Whatever you like.”

He once again placed his lips into mine. I could feel his love flowing to me through his soft kisses, gentle caress and tight hugs. Like he said, it wasn’t easy to forget the one who dominated my head for almost all my life, but I was willing to try. It was a sure think that I couldn’t thank him enough for accepting a broken person like me.

_I’m afraid, but I can lean on Seunghyun Hyung, and it’s enough for me._

**

 

_If you try to cross the wide ocean alone_

_You’ll get lost_

_So, let’s go together, toward the light_

_…_

_Is there such a word as ‘forever’?_

_When I think of the future, I get scared_

_But we have a dream that will last forever and ever_

_So, let’s hold hands_


End file.
